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My brother in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce 10 months ago. He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia & Sloane18) with him a couple of months ago. His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey 16) and she and her cousins aren't close but get along fine. Olivia & Sloane have no respect for Zoey's privacy, none. they used to walk into her room and take everything they get their hands on. Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop etc. Zoey complained a lot and I've already asked the girls to respect Zoey's privacy and stop taking things. My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they're girls and this's typical teenage girls behavior. I completely disagreed. Last straw was when Zoey bought a 60$ m.a.c makeup-kit that looks like a paintset that she saved up for over a month and one of the girls, Sloane took it without permission and ruined it by mixing shades together while using it. Don't know much about makeup but that's what Zoey said when she found the kit on her bed, and was crying. I told my wife and she said she'd ask Sloane to apologize but I got Zoey a lock after I found she was moving valuable belongings out the house because of this incidence!!! Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren't happy, the girls were extremely upset. Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him. He said "my daughters aren't thieves!!! it's normal that girls of the same age borrow each others stuff" he said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from walmart and shouldn't even be buying expensive - adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this "defect" in Zoey's personality trying to appear older than she is. He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement. I told him this's between me and my wife but she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey's door for her cousins to see and preventing them from "spending time" with her saying I was supposed to treat them like daughters, then demanded I remove it but I said this lock does not get removed til her brother and his daughters are out of our house. She got mad I was implying we kick them out and said her family'll hate me for this. so I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in which's something her OWN family refused to do so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their own son and nieces/granddaughters in. if it wasn't for her family's unwillingness to help we wouldn't be dealing with this much disturbance at home. Everyone's been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this.

NTA. Don't back down. You are the only one sticking up for Zoey. If her cousins want to use expensive makeup, give them your wife's. I guarantee she won't appreciate sharing anymore. They need to start behaving like appreciative guests.

I’ve enjoyed reading and posting on this sub for many months now, and I feel like I’ve noticed a disconcerting trend, lately. Over time, more and more of the posts seem to have A- a universal consensus on every post, with any dissenters massively downvoted and B- a shift towards judgments that seem (to me at least) to be out of step with how people in the real world judge situations. Given that, I think it’s important to remember that even though the sub is not intended to be for validation posts or to be an echo chamber or to give advice on how people should behave in specific situations- in practice, a lot of times it is. So just as a reminder- offline, people in your real life will think you’re an asshole if you take the last cookie when you know the child behind you wants it. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t stand up for an elderly person on a bus. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t go out for drinks with your co-workers once in a while. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t try to be involved in your child’s life, no matter how much support you pay. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t help out your brother with babysitting once in a while, even if you’re childfree. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you wear nothing but underwear in your own home when your roommate has guests over. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t detour for 10 minutes a day to carpool with a co-worker for a week while his car is in the shop. The internet has its own values, and that’s fine. But in the real world, people who can’t just go along to get along most of the time? People who don’t want to mildly inconvenience themselves to help out the people around them? People who don’t seem to put any stock into the idea of collectivism? The people around them are going to consider them to be assholes. So yeah. I love this sub, I love reading the stories and I find it very interesting to hear people’s opinions. But I personally think that probably more than 50% of the time, the people I know in real life would disagree with the sub’s judgement of who’s the asshole in a given situation. I don’t know if the disparity is just because of reddit’s demographics, or because people with alternate perspectives see the writing on the board and don’t want to get down voted to oblivion. So even if you get 4000 replies on reddit saying that you’re totally in the right, if everyone in your real life thinks you’re an asshole, well… there’s probably a reason for that. And maybe this is just me, but I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an asshole if they’re being inconsiderate or selfish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything. Or maybe you believe that people offline are wrong, and we should continue to promote the individualistic value system seen on reddit both on and offline. That's a discussion worth having too. Edit: Thanks guys, this is very interesting discussion so far. And lol don't just downvote the people who disagree with me/you, engage them without being combative. Edit 2: I’ve never seen this movie, but it’s come to my attention that there already exists in this world an excellent TL,DR: “You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole”

people here are too hung up on things that they're technically or legally allowed to do, often at the expense of socially acceptable behavior

I'm back like I said I would be,. My [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awyi8k/aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap_sister/) got a lot of attention and seeing as you guys seem interested, here's my update. Well, since that day I made the post i've been staying with my grandfather. The week's been honestly a huge change for me for better and for worse but i'll try to run it down. I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister. My grandpa told me some things that I don't feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is "supposed" to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others. With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them. It didn't end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a "caretaker" that doesn't exist. Suffice to say, this week has been rough. But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i've felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week "making up for the time i've lost." Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do. My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week. Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize. My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying "You were put here to be her caretaker". I won't lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker. The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before. Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I'm not going back. Later today i'm going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i'm planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on. My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home. I won't be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass. The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i've learned something that I wished I saw earlier. I don't hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave. So, there's my update. Thanks again for the support my original post got. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to comment or show me support. Thanks you. ​ ​ Edit: Thank you all so much! I wish I could respond to every single one of you but my lunch only lasts so long. I'll update tonight how the move out went but until then, thank you all. I want to say that your support has been amazing and your kindness means more to me than anyone could ever imagine. ​ Late edit: Wow, I never imagined my story would reach the popularity it did. I know it's kinda cliche and i've said it a thousand times but thank you all. ​ We just got back from moving my things out of my parents house. Every thing I wanted to take my grandpa and uncle helped move and it's at my grandpa's house now. I have my birth certificate, social security card, and every other document and record I could think of. My parents were quiet the whole time I was there. Shorty after I arrived my dad left with my sister and my mom only hovered over us silently as me moved. It took a while but as we left she broke down and told me she loved me and would miss me. I hugged her and said goodbye, and that was it. Even now I sit here and think if she really meant it. After this whole week of her not saying anything she waited till the end. I hope she meant it. Right now though, I think I just need to look ahead. Maybe one day me and my parents can reconnect. I hope so. ​ Thank you all for the advice and love. It's been amazing and i'm glad that through this experience I at least got some positive out of this mess. Will I come back? I don't know. If something happens and you guys still want an update i'll maybe come around again. But for now I'm going to move on. For all those out there who shared their stories with me, thank you, and I hope to see you on the other side. See you space cowboy's :)

Wow. OP's grandfather is a saint.

I'll try to keep this short. I had a [1967 Impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/HLBPpTF.jpg) that I bought in Feb 2019. A couple months ago I bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. I moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. I had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. About two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. She wants to park in the garage but I have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. I tell her tough luck its my house and its not like I can just throw it back together real quick. Anyways I was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company I work for. When I got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. Making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. I though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then I realized that I didn't see her car in it's usual spot. I asked her where she parked so I could make sure I mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. I asked how and she told me to go check it out. Turns out that while I was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. I told her that I was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like I was being dramatic. I told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. I admit I was a really angry but I did end up getting a lawyer, and as I have all the receipts for all that money spent and I have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all I think I can win. Her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money I spent, and that I should just let it go. But I have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if I am not going to get justice for what she did. AITA Edit: Thank you all so much for the support and awards and everything. I'm glad I have some people on my side. I got a call from her mom about 20 minutes ago and she told me that i was ruining her daughter's life over a stupid car. I told her she ruined her own life. I've been gathering documentation and stuff and I'm about to head down to the police station and file a report, as suggested by lots here. Once again thank you all UPDATE : went to the police station last night, was told to come back in the morning. just got back and filed an official report against her for grand larceny and grand theft auto. i showed them all the receipts i had for the car and the footage of her letting the guys come and take it as well as the title for the vehicle in my name. they said they will be in contact with all 3 parties (me, ex gf, and junkyard guys) soon and they will hopefully be able to recover some or all of the car. just have to wait now HUGE UPDATE : THEY FOUND MY GODDAMN CAR!! the junkyard guys apparently were in the middle of hiding it when the police came to ask them questions. it was on a forklift and they were gonna put it on top of a pile of cars that was hidden behind more piles of cars. they said it was theirs and they had the title, but obviously didnt have the title for it and since they matched the vin on the chassis and body to the vin on my title, it was obviously mine. I know at least one person there has been arrested, i think he was in the camera footage i talked about earlier but idk if it was the boss or whomever or even his specific charge, they also told me they would be looking into this specific junkyard for any other vehicles reported stolen. they said they haven't been able to get in contact with my ex just yet but they're working on it. im just so glad they found my car. luckily i made quite an album of pictures detailing me tearing down the car and so i can use that to prove what parts they had were mine so i can hopefully get most or all of it back. police haven't let me take it back home yet as they say it is evidence or something so hopefully i can get it back eventually. thank you all so much for the support and advice! SHES GONNA BE ALRIGHT

NTA - sue her ass. Sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. Have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. Nail them all to the wall.

I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented. Everyone’s comments were appreciated, including those that were less than pleasant. Since I received such great advice on my original post, I felt like I had an obligation to update. And I’m trying to follow through on all aspects of my life, even internet ones. The funeral service was held this past Thursday. Before then, I brought all the advice I received online and brought it to the real world and talked to both my therapist and sponsor about how I was feeling and what I should do. My sponsor was straight with me and told me that I would be putting myself in danger by going and that I should do something else that day to grieve. When Thursday rolled around, I was a mess. I seriously considered both just going to the funeral or using again but instead I grabbed my dog and we went on a road trip. We went to the beach and just hung out the two of us. I’m doing okay this week, but obviously am still not doing great. I haven’t reached out to any of Marcy’s family and I don’t plan to. I understand now how devastating that would be. That’s it. Take care everyone.

We've chosen to lock this update due to the high volume of rule violating comments in the [original post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cg1u8p/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_the_funeral_of_a_girl/) We felt this update should be shared because we appreciate when an "asshole" takes our community's feedback into consideration to right their wrongs, and we regret that we can't allow a conversation here. ​ [https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline)

I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My coworkers who work weekends are: James - the owners son, he goes to my school. He's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. Danielle - A college student who sometimes works weekends too. So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. Like literally blow up about nothing. I dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... Like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... Which I couldn't do a thing about because I gave it to him right out of the machine. So James came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. So he was just like "OP, this is unacceptable, you're fired." I started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, I need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. The angry guy started to backtrack, like "It isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it" and James was like "No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" Of course after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting. And we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or I, James will storm in and "fire" us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. AITA for this joke?

NTA That's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers. Edit: my gosh, thank you for the silver! Edit 2: Gold!! You are too kind!

I am a nurse practitioner and I am the primary care provider for a lot of the low risk maternity cases at the practice where I work. I also work hand in hand with the doctors and midwives to create a healthy maternity, birth, and postpartum situation. My fiancee is completing her residency. We live together and have for a few years now. We aren't in any hurry to get married. We originally had plans to do so a couple of years ago but then we got really busy for two years. It is driving my very religious parents crazy that their youngest son is living in sin. I don't really care. I'm an adult and I do what I want. We are getting married in June. So we are visiting my parents for Christmas. The way it came together this year everyone is at my parents house. So that's my folks, my three siblings, myself and fiancee, and seven grandchildren. So seventeen people. At dinner my mom starts going on about how she is so glad that we are finally getting married and she won't be embarrassed at church any more. And my dad says how proud he is of his three older kids who all either waited to get married before moving in together or got married right away after moving in together. My fiancee was getting embarrassed and I was getting mad over this stupid argument we have had too many times. And a family dinner was the last straw. I have asked them repeatedly to just accept that they cannot control how I live my life. I refuse to stay with them when I visit even if I come alone. Hotels are just easier. So I started talking about a premature baby I had been reading about. It was almost three months premature and weighed about 1.6 pounds. It was super strong and healthy for being born so little and the NICU had high hopes for the baby doing well. My mom and dad both got deer in the headlights looks on their faces. To bad. Should not have fucked around with my fiancee's feelings. So I asked about my oldest brother. He was born almost four months premature. Is there a chance that we could check out the family album where we keep all the records of family births and stuff. I already know my brother was over 9 pounds and almost 23" long when he was born. My grandmother told me all about it the first time my parents tried to shame me. The subject gets changed very fast. After supper my parents told me that I should not try to embarrass them with private things that are not my concern. I told them that if I heard anything about my living arrangements ever again for the rest of my life I would make sure to keep bringing up the FACT that my mom was in her second trimester when they got married. My parents are mad at me for telling them how to behave in their own home. But my fiancee is happy that they seem to be off the subject for good. AITA?

NTA. That was beautifully handled. You didn't call them out and embarrass them. But you stood your ground. I did laugh out loud when you said where you got your blackmail information. Grandma had that in her pocket for a long time I'm guessing. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a great New Year.

Hello, everyone. First of all, thank you all for the kind words, support and love that everyone has offered and given. These weeks have been the most difficult I have ever experienced and it is with great sadness that I tell you all that my beautiful and cat crazy wife, has passed. I've had to cut this short due to character limits, sorry all. But, she did leave all of you a note, Reddit. I've copied everything verbatim below. She truly loved everyone and was smiling so much after her first post. I'll take my leave here. Much love. "Reddit! If you're reading this, I am dead. Pretty crazy to be talking to a dead person, eh? It feels a bit strange to be writing this. If this feels a bit disconnected, I'm sorry. I have to take frequent breaks as I get tired pretty quickly now. My husband offered to write these words (such a sweet ham, I know. Be nice to him, okay?). But, I wanted my last words to be written by me. Long story short, we talked to my parents. A lot of people asked about why my husband wasn't planning the funeral and my parents were taking control. Honestly, my parents didn't take the news of my passing to come well and I suppose their closure(?) was to try and take control of what they could. I'm not angry at them for it, I understand. They had already pre-paid a large portion of the service and to put it plain and simple, it was a shit hand they were dealt. So, we talked to them. I laid it all out for them and somehow, we reached a compromise. Lots of tears. Lots of hugs. And surprisingly, lots of laughs. They admitted that they had been losing their faith with everything that had happened and their way to attempt to find it again was to take control and "guide me" into the afterlife. Not my thing though and I explained that I am not them, but their daughter who wanted to live her last weeks in peace, not the turmoil they were putting me through. And while a lot of people stated that funerals are for the living (true true), I firmly believe that a funeral is for the living to remember that person as WHO they were, not what anyone else wanted them to be. My parents seemed to understand when I told them that. They were not on board with the party favor aspect though, kind of a bummer. Pretty lucky to plan my own funeral, honestly. But, now that that is all said and done! Thank you, guys. I was blown away by the responses.I was moved to tears and I wish I had had the chance to meet every single one of you. You all be good now, ight? Take it one day at a time and fucking enjoy yourself! You only get one life, unless you're someone who has survived death than you're just a fucking hero and probably a cat with a few lives to spare. I love you all. I'm resting easy now. This disease sucks and I'm happy to be rid of it. And laugh and love and cry and be sad. Shit happens. I've got to go now, I'm gonna go snuggle my husband and my cats. Keep it real, Reddit. Love you, all!"

Gave **Original**

Note. My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born. Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you”. Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.” That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.” My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.” I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA? Edit: I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent. Mini Update: I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good.

ESH, but that was one hell of a joke and I congratulate you for it.

I have a sister that’s 6 years older than me. My parents for years cancel on me last min because of my sister. I have a basketball game. Ops sorry sister doesn’t feel like going out. I am graduating ops sorry sister had a bad day at work. They have missed both major and smaller events in my life because of her melt downs. I met the love of my life. We decided to tie the knot. From the beginning I told my parents how I am worried my sister will ruin another special moment in my life. My mom told me over and over again it would not happen. The day of my wedding. I received a voicemail from my mom saying they couldn’t come because my sisters dog was sick and she was upset. I was hurt, my best man however is a jokester. He took my phone then went to my fiancé and asked if he could post a video of our wedding as a gift? On social media. She loved his idea. I had no idea about it until I came home. Our honeymoon was at a lake side cabin. No cell service. The post caption was “My best friend. He is an amazing person even if his parents NEVER showed up for him. video was still pictures of us next to her parents, me on the dance floor, cutting the cake. Where you would normally see both parents in wedding pictures. The sound behind the video was my moms voice mail explaining how they couldn’t come because my sisters dog was sick. I came home a week later to hundreds of messages. Family members from both sides insisting I take it down. I was told my sister hasn’t stopped crying. My mom is refusing to leave the house. I maybe the A here. I didn’t take it down when I got my messages. I didn’t call my family back right away. I waited until my vacation time was over at work and enjoyed my time with my Wife. In our new home. Before I contacted anyone. My dad told me to take down the video. It was “just a bad night for them”. That they will make it up to me and my wife for not coming. My reply was exactly how do you plan to “make up” my wedding? It’s a once in a life time thing. You choose to ignore my feeling on the whole matter. Then he just repeated he will make it up to me. I told him I would take down the video only when he made up missing my wedding. Flustered we both hung up the phone before we both said things we shouldn’t have. Am I the A here. I could have just taken down the video.

**NTA. The truth hurts sometimes and your parents & sister just got whammied! Your friend is AWESOME. Please leave the video up!** \*Edit\* Thanks so much for the awards!

We had a family dinner this evening. My family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29F), younger sister (24F) and youngest brother (22M). Extended family attended our family dinner. So all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. During the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. My sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. The two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. Eventually my sister got really fed up and said “Shut up, I’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” My brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. I think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. Anyway, I immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. She replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. This annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. So I responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? Turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, I genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. Family is blaming me for their marital problems. I refuse to accept I did anything wrong. My sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all I did was give her a taste of her own medicine.

ESH One person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with.

I’ve become frustrated with how quick a lot of AITA commenters are to encourage OP’s to leave their partners when a challenging experience is posted. While leaving a partner is a necessary action in some cases, just flippantly ending a relationship because conflicts arise is not only a dangerous thing to recommend to others, but it deprives people of the challenges necessary to grow and evolve as emotionally intelligent adults. When we muster the courage to face our relationship problems, and not run away, we develop deeper capacities for Love, Empathy, Understanding, and Communication. These capacities are absolutely critical for us as a generation to grow into mature, capable, and sensitive adults. Encouraging people to exit relationships at the first sign of trouble is dangerous and immature, and a byproduct of our “throw-away” consumer society. I often get a feeling that many commenters don’t have enough relationship experience to be giving such advise in the first place. Please think twice before encouraging people to make drastic changes to their relationships; we should be encouraging greater communication and empathy as the first response to most conflicts.

Sometimes I'm surprised by how quickly people jump to "leave him/her" in the comments. But I believe many are speaking from personal experience, like they've been through some shit and they see the red flags in OPs situation that maybe they missed in their own, and are hoping to spare OP pain down the road.

About a week ago, my (39F) family ordered Chinese food for delivery. When the delivery driver came to the door, my daughter (16F) was taking the cat upstairs to put in her room because he always tries to eat the food. My son (13M) loudly says, “Make sure the hide the cat from the Chinese guy!” as I am at the door getting the food from the Chinese delivery driver. He very obviously heard what my son said and was upset by it. I quickly apologized and took the food. I told my son that racist jokes were completely unacceptable and very wrong and he refused to admit that he was in the wrong. So, later that night I forced my son to write a sincere apology to the delivery driver, (his name was on the receipt) as well as write a one page paper on Chinese culture and a one page paper on why racism is perpetuated by racist jokes and stereotypes. Then the next day I took him to the restaurant and had him read his apology aloud to the delivery driver as well as give him the papers he wrote. The driver was very appreciative of the apology and thanked me for making my son do it. He then told my son about multiple instances where he had faced racist comments and attacks from people while he was a delivery driver. That night my husband (43M) and I got into an argument about me making our son do this. He told me that it was embarrassing for our son to have to do the apology and that the “punishment didn’t fit the crime”. I told him that it was much more embarrassing for the driver to have to face that kind of racism and racist stereotypes and that our son would get over the embarrassment. I do not condone any kind of hateful thinking in my house, and the fact that my son said that embarrassed me as well. My husband told me that it was “just a joke” and it wasn’t that big of a deal. I feel like I might have over reacted some but I think it’s important to help my son understand how what he said was wrong and hurtful.

NTA. Sounds like your husband could use the lesson too.

Hello!. I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity. So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday. Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is til this day. In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaniously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage. regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just....made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor. All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done. Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but...at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's seperation and divorce. A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm also so very, very, very proud of you. You are standing up for yourself. Putting yourself first. Looking into the future and making sure it will be what you want it to be. I wish you the best of luck. Give the doggo the biggest of hugs and lots of pets.

Dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but I’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. We’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural Midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. This year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and I jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. We learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, I adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. None of this has been a problem for me until recently. She saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then I rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. She exploded in anger (teen years, I’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, I know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was HER pan for vegan food. I was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not YOUR pan. She asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. I didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so I said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. The reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that I’m not to touch them unless I’m cooking vegan. That wasn’t good enough. Now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because I eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. I don’t mean I literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because I wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly I’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. My wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. My daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. Now I’m sorry for her, but I feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because I’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.

NTA. Get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher.

So it was my birthday couple months ago. Had a party. Got some gifts. My friend “Mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. I liked it. Said thanks. She had ripped the tags off but whatever. Anyway. Went to the community pool with my roommate. Wore bikini. Got in the water. Roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... I look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. Haha good joke Mandy. Anyway, Mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. Most leave and we’re still hanging out. I’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? I go change after them. And meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. I hop in. Immediately, he’s looking at my chest. I pretend I don’t notice and just make small talk. She comes out a few min after. And just looks in shock. Eventually gets in. “Uhh is that the one I bought?” Yeah I love it. I wear it everywhere. Make up some stuff about how I wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. We’re in the tub for 20-30. Eventually get out and change. She approached me after and was like. “Uhm I’m sorry thought you’d notice. But it goes kinda see thru”. I’m like yeah I know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “She’s like it’s a joke. Wait you knew? So you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” I reply I’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. Anyway. Aita?

NTA WELL PLAYED!!! You deserve an award, but I’m broke. So here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇 EDIT: Thanks for the award! EDIT 2: Thanks for the awards. Yes, I have now been able to give OP an award. Happy days and awesome sauce to all!!

I was over my boyfriend's apartment this weekend and I was cooking dinner because he was studying for exams. I made pasta and a chunky sauce with meatballs and veggies. I told him dinner was ready and he goes "what's for dinner tonight, B*TCH" ... With like a lot of emphasis on the last word. I was fed up, I'd had a pretty rough day with work and I have some awfully bad associations with that word being used by other people in my life who were pretty abusive. So I was so irritated that I dropped the pot of pasta sauce I'd been carrying right on the ground and was like "Well nothing's for dinner tonight now. And I better not hear you using that word again, it's for the girls" He was freaking out about how sauce had landed on his rug and he even said "you're seriously acting like a bitch right now, I dunno what else to call it" I just walked out and got takeout for myself and went to my friends house. She thought it was funny but my boyfriend was furious, he kept texting and calling and sending me voice memos trying to explain that saying "what's for dinner tonight b*tch" was a TikTok trend.... And that he was just quoting something as a joke to put on tiktok. I thought that was the shittiest excuse ever, it doesn't matter if he saw it as a joke, or stole the "joke", it was still disrespectful. But it didn't change the fact he thought that shit was funny, to demean me when I was trying to do him a favor. Like hell I came over when he was studying to make a home cooked dinner and he decides it's time for jokes? So I put my phone on don't disturb for the night and split a bottle of wine with my friend and her roommate. The next morning he was sending me angry texts demanding I clean his rug because he was too busy with exams to do it. I was shocked he left it overnight, that's disgusting. I texted him back saying. "Yeah so that's the b*tch tax honey :) leave me alone till you're ready to handle your own cooking and cleaning because this b*tch isn't anymore. Also it's vile you left that soaking in all night" He called me and told me that he was okay with doing his own household work, but I did throw a full pot of sauce at the ground so that's on me to clean up. I told him "yeah no I'm not comfortable doing chores for you if you see me like your b*tch" He told me he didn't and it was just a "trend" and I got pissed off he was playing that "TikTok trend" BS excuse again and I told him "Well I'm starting a trend called 'saucing' where as a little joke people throw pasta sauce around! You can't be mad because it's just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank bro!" He got really pissed off and hung up on me and now I'm seriously wondering if this dumb fucking tiktok joke is gonna be the end of things between us AITA for how I reacted when my boyfriend asked me "what's for dinner tonight, b*tch" Edit to address a comment I've gotten a lot and I don't have time to reply to every time: > "But did you tell him not to call you a bitch? Like how would he know otherwise?" Honestly if someone has gotten to the age of 30 and not realized that women (as a whole) do not like having demeaning slurs used against them... They're beyond my help. This isn't something that needs to be told. I shouldn't have to go through life like "Hey man just in case you were thinking I might like demeaning slurs against my gender used on me, I don't actually :)" And if you were about to comment something like that, let me just tell you in no uncertain terms... WOMEN DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED BITCHES BY MEN. DO NOT CALL WOMEN BITCHES. IF YOU NEEDED TO BE TOLD THAT IS UNKIND, CONSIDER YOURSELF OFFICIALLY TOLD. NOW YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT "UNDERSTAND"

NTA >"Well I'm starting a trend called 'saucing' where as a little joke people throw pasta sauce around! You can't be mad because it's just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank bro!" Absolutely iconic.

Context: My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister's life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inhertance to get new cars and renovate her house I live with my aunt right now cause my brother inlaw didn't let me stay with my sister. I'm planning on using my inhertance money to pay for college tuition (I've always wanted to be doctor but haven't decided which branch yet). My sister & I haven't been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his llness and make a scene at his funeral. only because he's ill and shouldn't be held accountable for his behavior. I've distanced myself But my sister kept visiting alot lately venting about my brother inlaws condition. He's been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need for a surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband's surgery and she'd pay back in less than a year. I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inhertance which is a large amount then there's no gurantee she'll pay back before It's time to apply for college. I'm taking a year gap but I know my sister can't pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future. I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt's house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband's health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone's health and asked if I'd be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father. My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband's poor health isn't my fault after she kept blaming and guiltriping me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permenant damage in my relationship with my sister if I don't help her now. She's been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish not good aunt and sister. I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I'll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.

>he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I'll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school. You're friend is correct. You'll never get the money back because sis isn't willing to give up her luxurious lifestyle. She chose how to spend her inheritance, didn't save for a rainy day and isn't entitled to yours because of her poor financial planning. NTA.

I F30 don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyied her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her. So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country - tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatim. said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say "FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her". Things got quieter, suspeciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn't respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there "anyway" and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home. I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it's ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy. Did I really overreact?

I don’t wanna call the divorce card but.. divorce. You told your boundaries, you said no. She crossed it. Your husband told you he would tell her no, he lied. He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap?? And then to berate you?? He’s not a good man. He needs to go. NTA

So, Ever since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body. He never says any hurtful words but I find his "observations" as he calls it hurtful. For example, he'd see me wearing an old top and say "oh that top used to look good on you but not anymore though..." or when he looks at my waist and says "Wow, didn't know your waist could get this wide!". Basically passive stuff that I tried to ignore til it extended to friends and family. FYI this went on for months and months and months!!. We went to christmas celebration at his family's home. My SIL complimented my floral maxi dress and my husband said "I agree it looks nice on you...though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!". Awkward silence took over. I was absolutely fuming and this was my last straw. So I got up from my chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of my lungs "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY BODDDYYY!!!!". He was absolutely speechless as his family stared while some others tried to get me to calm down but situation got more tense and dinner ended up being cut short and my husband storming off to his friend's place to spend the night upon leaving a very nasty text saying I embarrassed him and made a scene over an "observation" he made. He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family. Now I feel like an absolute idiot asshole and like I ruined christmas for him and everybody with my over sensitivity. AITA??

I think the last thing your husband really wants is for you to "get therapy". If you do, you'll discover that he is an emotionally abusive bully and stop feeling guilty for refusing to put up with his BS. NTA, but your husband is. Do as he recommended and get therapy so that you can regain the self confidence he has eroded with his cruel "observations".

I'm a 45yro single father of three. Theur mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons, 17yro Andrew, 15yro Connor and 14yro Max. Connor was born female, he is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago, and has now socially transitioned, not yet phisically. My sister (38F) just got married. Me and my sons were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it. Her wedding was really super well organised to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses. I textednher a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said "where's Nia's dress?". I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he'll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of men there or we aren't coming. She said "fine" and that was it. At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie, but didn't say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card "Nia". I went to my sister and she said she used "their real name". I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me "don't you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day". I called her a bigot and we left. My family says I ruined her wedding.

He can be a man any other day?! What a ridiculous thing to say. Well, sister theoretically could be an AH any other day too yet here we are. NTA. Good on you for standing up to her in support of your son. Edit: thanks for the awards y'all!

(reposted with mod approval) Original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/ TL;DR: Things turned out well for everyone involved. Peggy reached out to me yesterday, apologized, and asked if we could meet for lunch. We met up, and the first thing she did was apologize again. For the no call/no show, and also for her reaction to my response. She admitted that she knows I'm not sexist, or "ableist" (IDK if I spelled that right, there's a red line under it), and explained that she was lashing out due to her mental state. I accepted her apology, and offered one of my own. Both for giving her too much responsibility too quickly, and also for reacting out of emotion. She explained to me that she had a major issue on Monday, and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that it was the anniversary of a bad thing. She's taking all of her accumulated PTO (~9 weeks), and we've agreed that going forward, I'm not going to put her on the schedule on that day ever again. She's admitted that she's not up to the role of manager. When she returns, she will be in the role of lead cashier, a role I created specifically for her. This way she can keep her raise, and not feel like she got a "demotion", but rather a lateral transfer. I've also let her know that if she ever feels like she's up to more responsibility, she can let me know, and I'll put her right back on track for the manager spot. I've also let her know that if she's ever in a position where she's not able to call out, she can simply text me a thumbs down emoji, and I will accept that as notice that she will be missing her next shift. She's agreed that that will be ok, even when she's "out of spoons". I appreciate all of the ~6000 comments my post got, even the ones calling me TA. Thank you all very much. I want to specifically address the folks who explained "spoon theory" to me, as well as those who commented about "peter principle", those two types of comments very heavily influenced my actions. I was able to better understand both her issue, and my own failures as a leader because of those comments. Hopefully we can both move forward from this unfortunate incident and end up better for it.

We love a good outcome on this sub. Especially when both parties communicate what's going on and they're listened to

I f32 recently inherited a good amount of money from my mom. I keep the money in a seperate account as I still haven't decided what to do with it and I didn't want it to go to waste. I noticed my husband constantly bringing up the inheritance money and making countless suggestions as to how I should spend it. Another thing is that he expects me pay for nearly everything the past couple of weeks. For NYE, My husband and I met up with his family at a restaurant to celebrate. It was going fine until I found out that I was expected to pay for everyone at the table. My husband's mom joked about paying for dinner out of my " inheritance pocket" which made me livid but I showed no reaction. Just silently paid for my own food/drinks. Then got up and made my way out of the restaurant. They were shouting after me like a crowd and my husband tried to get me to come back but I drove home. He got back at 3 a.m yeling at me saying I was pathetic to get up and walk out on him and his family after they *relied* on me to pay for their food and thougt I was gracious enough to do it BUT they were wrong. He said I humiliated him and family and that what I did was an attempt to get back at them for not being able to help mom when she was sick. Not true is all I'm gonna say. He is mad and is saying that I caused a huge rift between his family and me when it wouldn't have hurt me to pay for the celebratory dinner. AITA?

So let me get this straight. Your mother died after an illness and the thing your in-laws take from this is "great, now she can pay for everything". Yeah, NTA

Link to original post- [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita\_for\_not\_sharing\_medical\_history\_before\_being/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita_for_not_sharing_medical_history_before_being/) Heyo! I had a few folks message me over the last couple of months, the latest tonight. I touches me that so many of you still message me to see if things are going well, so I wanted to update people en masse. Life is going phenomenally. I axed the friend group, and have since been kicking butt. I realized that if my close friend group was consistently putting me down or taking advantage of me, who else could be. The biggest answer was myself. I stopped doing things I enjoyed to invest in people that took joy in hurting me (Turns out it went so much deeper than gas lighting). I got two new hobbies, wood working and brewing. I absolutely love them both, and have made friends in those communities. I started cooking instead of take out and I met the woman who is now my girlfriend at the local market and we do most things together now. I realized my job had been taking a huge advantage over me. I worked significantly harder and longer hours for less pay than the employees under me. After I transitioned to taking better care of myself I successfully created a resume that outlined my successes (Recognizing those successes took quite a bit of effort!) and got a new job in higher management for significantly more pay. I'm also going to buy a house this December with a yard for my dog and I. Nothing big, just a nice one bedroom with a large yard for my buddy and I to play fetch in. So thanks Reddit. Owe you one. Never would have made life improvement if it weren't for an external force.

Wow! I absolutely remember your original post as someone else who struggles with mental illnesses! They were so completely out of line, but never forget who got you out of that dangerous situation, YOU. You have been working on living a stable life long enough to know that something was off and your health was number one! Keep realizing your worth and living a kick ass life!

So my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. She was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. She was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. I tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. He said no. And my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. I spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. Which is fair enough. He said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. My son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. Last week, he told us she’s dumped him. I went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. Me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. I confessed to them both that I actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. He did not treat her properly and I hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. I said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. Wife and son are very upset that I said this. Very very upset and my wife says I am being horrible. AITA? I stand by what I said.

NTA. That's the truth. What age is he? Edit: you say he's 24 in another comment. Definitely not the asshole. If he is this lazy and has no plans to travel, what's his plan for leaving the house? Living with parents is great to save money but he doesn't seem the type so far to actually get up and get out eventually.

**TL;DR at bottom** For context: I've been married to my wife for ~10 years and we're a mixed-race couple (I'm Asian and she's Caucasian). I've gotten along with her family (MIL, BIL, SIL), but I always felt like her FIL and other SIL (Sarah) never liked me. I'm a professionally trained chef with 15+ years of experience and I work at a high-end Chinese restaurant (a spin-off of a popular one in Beijing) in a large US city. My crew and I have won several awards, and I've been explicitly told I'll be the next executive chef. Sarah is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale French restaurant in the city. She constantly brags about it and (no joke) compares herself out loud to Ramsay and Bourdain. Whenever I'm at my MIL and FIL's house and helping out in the kitchen, Sarah is *always* criticizing everything I do. Whether it's chopping, braising, marinating, etc., she always butts in with comments like "Umm, I think you should actually do X like this...". I've been patient for my wife and side stepping those comments, saying things like "Thanks, but I think I'll stick to the way I do it." Things came to a head two weeks ago when my wife, FIL, MIL, and I were in her parent's kitchen prepping dinner for my MIL's birthday. We were running a bit behind so things were heated (which I kind of like because it reminded me of work) and that's when Sarah walked in. She took one look at what I was doing, scoffed, and said something like "Oh wow, okay, so that's not the right way of doing things". It hit a nerve and I pretty sternly told her to stop criticizing my cooking and that I'm also a chef like her. She laughed and said "making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn't count". The kitchen went silent, FIL snorted/chuckled, and my MIL yelled "SARAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU". I stopped what I was doing, swore at her and called her "a racist piece of shit", apologized to my MIL for not being able to stay, and left for home with my wife. Apparently this caused a massive fight after we left, with my MIL/BIL/other SIL taking my side and my FIL/Sarah saying "it was a joke but kind of true" and that I was "being too sensitive". The extended family somehow got wind of this and now everyone is arguing and taking sides, with my wife even getting texts from some her cousins apologizing for Sarah's behavior. Despite being on my side, my wife is begging me to apologize so that the fighting will stop but I refuse to because fuck Sarah and her blatant racism. AITA? **TL;DR:** I'm a chef working at upscale Chinese resto, my SIL is a chef at upscale French resto. She's critical of my cooking skills and has now called it "making Kung Pao chicken at a Chinese restaurant". Family at war, wife begging me to apologize, what do? **EDIT:** My wife has also informed me that now Sarah may be in trouble at work and she's blaming me for it. Apparently one of her co-workers heard her rant about what happened and reported it to management. (Edit: To clarify Sarah is blaming me, though my wife is partly blaming me) **EDIT2/UPDATE:** So it looks like one of my wife's cousins found this post and put it on Sarah's Facebook wall going "This is you right?...". Her FB friends are starting to comment with things like "If this is you Sarah then I'm disappointed". I think Sarah's still at work - shit might be hitting the fan soon and now my wife is pissed too. Will try to update but might have to delete post if things go nuclear **EDIT3/UPDATE2:** Was considering removing but I just got a voicemail from my FIL that "[my] presence was only being tolerated up until this point" and threatened a "world of hurt" if I didn't delete this post. Officially going to keep this post up and if you're still reading this Doug - I'm very disappointed in you, you're better than this. Will also continue to update and thanks again for all your support folks **EDIT4/UPDATE3:** *Lots of stuff just went down* 1. My wife got a call from SIL. (From wife's paraphrasing) Sarah started screaming/crying at her the moment my wife picked up and said that she just got demoted because of "[her] {Asian slur} husband". Apparently some of her co-workers have her on FB and showed the post to management, which combined with her earlier rant, double whammied her back to being a line cook and now she might get fired. My wife told her to go fuck herself and is now solidly on my side after taking the verbal abuse from Sarah and reading some of the comments here. My wife is still the opposite of happy though... 2. Wife called MIL and asked her WTF was going on with FIL. MIL was confused so my wife played back the voicemail I had on my phone and apparently my MIL literally just walked away from the phone without hanging up and started screaming at FIL. 3. Facebook post has now devolved into a clusterfuck flame war with family and friends jumping in. Suffice to say, it has officialy gone nuclear [Me right now](https://i.imgur.com/8QnGdHK.gifv) I think I'm going to have to call this a day, will make an update post when the dust settles. Thanks again folks **EDIT5/UPDATE4:** Turns out I'm not allowed to post an update post for some reason: > No, you provided all your updates in the original post with your many, many edits. You can edit this in, but we will not be allowing a standalone update on this. *I'd like to clarify that I got my wife and MIL's permissions to post this update (out respect for them and their privacy)* Suffice to say, it's been kind of nuts this past week. My wife and I had to turn off social media for a bit because of the shitstorm caused by her cousin putting my last post on Sarah's Facebook page. Some people even tried to call the restaurant I work at to get me fired as retribution, but luckily everyone there is 100% on my side (or as my boss put it "Fuck [Sarah], fuck those racists, fuck them so goddamn much"). I guess it didn't help them that half the calls involved threats, screaming, and more racial slurs. We didn't hear any updates from her family, even though we assumed the shit met fan after MIL found out about FIL's threatening voicemail (*still disappointed in you Doug*). But that changed on Sunday night, when MIL suddenly showed up at our door with overnight bags. After we took a moment to help unpack and calm down, she spilled the beans on everything. **FIL (aka Doug)** Apparently my MIL and FIL were already having trouble in their marriage, and it was only made worse with a certain 2016 Presidential election (she's a Dem, and he had apparently gone more far-right since then). Seems that a line was crossed with the "Kung Pao Incident" and his voicemail. When he refused to apologize for anything (typical Doug), she asked for a divorce and he went beserk. She didn't feel safe there so that's when she came over (other BIL and SIL live out of town). **Extended Family (aka The Great FB War of 2021)** You may have been able to tell already, but the extended family was largely arguing/fighting/divided along political lines for a few years now and my cousin's FB post was likely just the light to set off the powder keg. According to my MIL, the fallout has allegedly already led to some break-ups, excommunication of some family members, and even an argument that ended with police involvement. Haven't verified this myself though. **Sarah / SIL** According to my MIL, Sarah came over to her place on Friday. The writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit. Despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook, the entire staff turned against her. Nothing was coming back from the (dish) pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder. She’s a great chef (I will admit this is true), but they took no chances since it turns out (shit you not)... they're partly owned by a Chinese investment company. Found this hard to believe and didn't want to add this detail, but it turned out to be true after some research (won't say any further for privacy). Word also got around in the local industry, and Sarah is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments. She's now considering selling her home and moving to find work. As much as I don't like her and found her behavior horrifying, I didn't intend for this to happen so I've reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings. Whether or not she wants to take itis up to her (and no, she has not apologized for anything either - but I still want to be a decent person to her). It sure as hell doesn't feel like a happy ending. Perhaps bittersweet justice, but that's all I can give you. Thank you all for your support and for reading. [Still me right now.](https://i.imgur.com/8QnGdHK.gifv)

NTA, "cooking asian food doesn't count as cooking" IS racist, incredibly uncalled for, and shows how much of an entitled know-it-all Sarah is. Glad most people over there are on your side, but yeah, don't apologize when you did nothing wrong EDIT: Wow, my post blew up, loving the crazy mix of comments here, and the updates to the main post are amazing to read, can't wait to see how this clusterfuck ends

I was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. Dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. I’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. Because of their expectation I’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. I’m the second youngest. By the time I was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. They eventually did the same for my younger brother. I was told I wasn’t allowed to apply for college. I did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. I didn’t tell them I was moving out until a week before I left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. I took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. My parents and I have barely spoken for years. I’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. We met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. I asked them specifically what they were sorry for. They wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. I said that wasn’t sufficient. In the end, I said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. My mom burst into tears, my dad said I wasn’t being serious and I just left. Since then, I’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me I’m being immature and hurtful. I don’t think so at all.

NTA. Hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to. As far as I can see, your answer to them was perfect. It was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. Since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child. Never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. No exceptions. That includes your bigoted brothers. ​ Edited to add: I have a bachelor's, master's, and doctorate all in engineering. You have no idea how angry this makes them. Hopefully you will too and we can all watch the bigots faint from sheer rage together. Bwahahahaha.

New to reddit, please bare with. So I (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. Up until last week, things were perfect between us. However, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. She and I have quite a lot in common, and I actually like spending time with her. However it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. Now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; I'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. However, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if I want coffee. I sleep naked. Every time prior to the last one, I've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. I always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but I didn't". When she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, I intentionally slept on top of the covers. Sure enough, she barges in at 7AM, begins to ask if I want coffee and sees my you-know-what. She immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. My mate later pulled me aside and said I was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that I'd "threatened" to do it before (I literally just said "okay but what if I had no covers and you saw everything" before). They're now framing this to others that I'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how I get my rocks off, and I'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. AITA for doing this?

NTA. She knew it was a risk when she barged in. How is she not the pervert? Also, have you considered getting a lock?

The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out. &#x200B; My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on. &#x200B; I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn't feel like it. &#x200B; I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i've never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her. I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong. &#x200B; Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents "expect" me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me. If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was "grounded" because i turned my phone off in the theater. &#x200B; It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me. This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her. &#x200B; I've held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don't know why but this caused me to break down. I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I'm nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I'm expected to be her "slave" for the rest of my life. &#x200B; I've locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the asshole here? &#x200B; Edit/Update kinda: Wow, thank you for all the support and love that you guys have given me. I never expected this post to reach the popularity it did. Thank you all. After thinking about it for these past hours, you are right that I don't despise my sister. It's not her fault that she was born the way she is. My parents came to talk to me a while after my break down but I was unable to bring myself to talk to them and only cried and asked them to leave. They have made arrangements with my grandfather for me to stay with him for the time being and am getting ready to go to his house. My parents want to talk to me but we have decided it's best I leave for now to have some space and time to collect myself. we will be sitting down and talking later this week about this issue. Thank you all again for the love and support through this <3 &#x200B; I'll send an update your guy's way later this week if people are interested.

NTA. These are perfectly legitimate and understandable feelings. You have done nothing to sign up for taking care of another human being (it's not like she's your kid), and that was wrong of your dad to "joke" about, because it sounds like he probably is really thinking along those lines. Be honest with your parents about how you feel- make clear that it's insane that you're expected to be a full-time babysitter (grounded for no phone in a theater? That's fucking bullshit).

Me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. The only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. Everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. We put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. This issue has been going on almost a year and I’m sick of it. One of my roommates, R, keeps stealing my food. I get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. My gallon of milk for example. I buy almond milk because I like the taste. But it seems to finish after a week even though I’ve only drank once or twice. I confronted R about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. He outright denies it and tells me I’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. My other roommate and I carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so I know it’s not him. It’s always after we get back home and R’s already left for work that I notice my food’s gone. My roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as I do. I’m guessing cause R doesn’t like what he buys. The funny thing is R buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. He will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. Last week, my milk was nearly empty again and I got fed up. I went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. I drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one I bought. This was to catch/prove R is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. The nxt day, Saturday, we get back from work and R is pissed. He yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. I only responded with “So then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” He freaking exploded. Yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that I switched milks than the fact that he was caught. I told him I wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like I was making it up. My roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. It’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me R is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. Little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. I told some buddies what happened and a few think I was an asshole for that. I feel like I’m not in the wrong here. He was taking my food and not even owning up to it and I wanted to prove it, does that make me TA?

NTA. As you said if R wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem.

I’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. She is a really great kid and tbh I feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak English so I kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. Hard to explain but I’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what I mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an English speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an English speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. Anyway my girlfriend was FaceTiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. My ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less OP, her thighs are kinda chunky’ I saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. My sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. Literally. Everybody. I. Know. Has been texting me that I’m a POS boyfriend and that how can I disrespect my gf like that. I am expecting an apology from HER but to my shock everybody is expecting ME to apologize. So Reddit, AITA?

NTA. 12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. You're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately.

I 23m was repeatedly stuck playing the part of helper and babysitter on family outings. I had to move out of my parents' house because I kept being forced to help watch my three nephews. Last year we took a family vacation in summer to the coast. I rode along with my parents, and they paid for my hotel room. Only, I had to share that room with three rowdy boys because my sister and her husband wanted a room to themselves. I was promised time to do my own things on the vacation. But instead I ended up having to help with these kids. I complained to everyone about it, and was reminded I was there for free. And then we pretty much just did only one thing I wanted to do. Which was tour an art gallery. I like doing this whenever I'm at the coast. But the kids find it boring. This year my parents have a beach trip planned for June. And they assumed I'd be riding along the same way as last year. But I refused. I said I'd be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room. My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost. I said it was no worry. I've got a good job and a decent running car. I can more than afford it. That's when the "Buts" started. I stated the previously listed things as why I'll be driving myself and paying for myself. I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year. My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys. I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess. I didn't really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too. Now my sister is not speaking to me, and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace. I'm still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in? I know they'll have a pretty hard time when they won't have another person there to help. Edit: It's barely been an hour since I posted. But my sister is apparently a reddit lurker in the mornings, and she saw my post. Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets. And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved. I'm expecting a call from them any minute. Update: Well I'm off work now, so I can tell more of what went down. I guess you could say it's over. My sister got our parents involved, they looked at my post, and were absolutely horrified by the continuous influx of commenters. Yes they're very angry with me that I posted here. But I told them that if they'd just listened to me to begin with, I'd have never needed to. I'm sick of the whole keep the peace mentality that sacrifices me to placate my sister. They in turn went off on my sister, and to make a long story short the whole vacation has been canceled. The hotel wasn't booked yet anyway. But my parents are arguing with my sister, my sister is blaming me, and my nephews are crying because they aren't going to the beach. My sister called me at lunch and basically implied I have no life, which is why I have time to help. I recorded that and told our parents, and that's currently what they're fighting about. Smol Update: I wasn't gonna update again. But here's a little more. Parents said that they won't ever push babysitting of my nephews on me again, and have agreed that what happened last year was unfair to me. Right now they're VERY angry with my sister for telling me I should help her because she thinks I have no life. My sister is playing the victim. And my brother in law is basically saying "Nope!" to the whole mess and spending most of his time at work. Thank you to everyone who has commented. You made my day.

>My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys. That's a laugh. She's admitting she's ruining *your* vacation so as not to ruin her own! They're *her* kids and *her* responsibility. NTA. In fact, you're nicer than *I* would be; I'd just say "no thanks; I've got other plans" and avoid the family vacation altogether.

My (23F) wedding was back on Saturday December 31st and I'm still getting backlash from this, so I want to know if this was an AH move. In the country I live in it's currently winter, and we get a fair amount of snow so my wedding was a winter themed wedding. The color theme was forest green and gold. My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaids dresses to be forest green as well. My MOH"s dress was black, and everyone was to wear gold accessories. I have this friend, we'll call her Kat, that I asked to be one of my bridesmaids. When we went dress shopping and I told them the color theme I was going for, Kat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice. She said the thinks it's not a flattering color, and thought I should choose something different and more "girly". I said no because my wedding was winter themed and I thought the color would go perfect with the theme. She suggested a pink, blue even a red. I said no, but thanks' for your opinion. She found out my MOH"s dress was black and asked if she could wear black too? I said no, only my MOH is wearing black. I paid for all the dresses. Fast forward to wedding day, everyone's getting their hair and makeup done and Kat show's up 30 minutes late holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside. I asked her what this was for? She told me it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. I was like ok cool. So fast forward we're all dressed and walking down the stairs because the ceremony is beginning in 30 mins and we were going to take some pictures before. Kat is the last person to come down and she's wearing a BLACK DRESS. At the time I was preoccupied taking pictures with my parents, but my MOH came over to me and made me aware of the situation. I confronted Kat and asked her what was going on. She said she hates her bridesmaid dress, as the color is ugly and makes her look gross so she's wearing black. I told her please go back and change. She refused and started walking away from me. I said I'm going to ask her one more time, and if she doesn't oblige I'm calling security and kicking her out. She began yelling at me to fuck off, so I called security and asked them to please escort her out. She started making a BIG scene yelling how I'm such a bitch, that I can't force her to wear anything and that I'm a horrible inconsiderate friend. The wedding went on and it was truly amazing. Ever since the wedding Kat has been blowing up my phone with texts saying some really nasty thing's and asking for the money back she spent on the black dress, since it was a waste and she didn't get to wear it. I had to block her number. Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me shit saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that. And that maybe I should give her the money back. AITA for kicking her out?

NTA. She embarrassed herself. She agreed to wear the dress you picked out, and then deceitfully planned to change at the last moment in the hope that you'd just let her get away with it. She knew that you would tell her no. Think of being in a wedding as like playing a part in a play, or a ballet, or something. You get cast as "bridesmaid", so you wear the costume that the artistic director has picked out for bridesmaids to wear. If you don't want to wear the costume, don't be in the show. But you can't just show up on opening night and say "I didn't like your costume choices, so I'm going to wear the same costume as this other character instead". ETA: Thanks for all the love, everyone!

I recently won a ‘fuck you’ amount of money. I won’t say exactly how much but it’s in the millions. It makes me feel funny even typing It’s enough to change the life of myself and my family. My ex wife is the mother of my 2 kids. She is an amazing woman and good to the bone. We divorced 6 years ago because I had an affair with my current partner. I was in a low place in my life and I fucked up. She was in incredible pain but - like a fucking saint- she allowed me to still see our kids who mean the world to me, allowed our divorce to be as pain free as possible despite the fact that I know she was hurting. She still is close with my parents. She is respectful to me although she refuses to talk to my gf. She was actually the first person I phoned after my mom and pops after I found out I won the lottery. She was pleased for me, joked that I could take the kids on a world round trip, and that was that. Nothing else. as soon as I won, I knew I wanted to give her a significant amount. I still love her. She’s the mother of my babies and I feel like this is some small tiny way I can show her that I’m not a complete fuck up. She deserves to know that I care despite my mistakes. She also works a shitty job in the public library which pays her peanuts- she would actually be able to pursue her hobbies this way. Give our kids a better life between us. I haven’t discussed this with my ex yet, but I have with my parents who strongly agree and my lawyer who was very surprised but on board. Long story short, when I told my gf, she was my livid. Screaming that I’m disrespecting her, accusing me of still being in love with my ex wife- I’m not *in* love with her. We’ve both grown apart, but of course I still *love* her for being an excellent co parenting partner and mother to my kids. My gf is threatening to break up with me, and tbh I’m feeling incredibly relieved over the threats. I don’t plan on changing my plans, but AITA?

NTA if you intended for the money to help out her and your kids. If you only intended to give it to her because you 'love' your ex wife then you're a bit of an asshole (ESH) for making your current girlfriend a 'plan b'. The way she reacted was a little over the top, but to be expected since you are giving money to another woman (that you used to be married to). Otherwise, you do have kids to provide for and it's none of her business because you're not married and you don't share the money. Just a question: did she know you had a wife when you had an affair with her? Because if she did then the whole 'disrespecting her' is a load of bullshit because she did the same thing to your ex wife. edit: wow this blew up Edit 2: is this what it's like when people hijack the top comment Edit 3: thanks for the silver, guy

[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irxyza/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_go_ask_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Hey guys. It’s been a good 2 weeks since I’ve posted and I figured you guys would like an update. A lot has happened since the last time I posted So that night, I did what many of the comments suggested I do, which was to apologize. I told her that I’m sorry that implying that I’m not her real father, but like it or not that I consider her MY daughter. That I loved her and will always be there for her. She started to cry and sob uncontrollably and said “Why doesn’t he [her biological father] love me?” I held her and told her she didn’t need to fight for his approval. I also apologized for looking through her phone; that I’ve come to accept that it’s not an appropriate punishment for a teenage girl, and I was going to find other alternatives. Lastly I brought up therapy and while she was hesitant at first I let her know it was nothing to be ashamed of, that everything she said at therapy would be entirely confidential, and that it could help to have a confidant to help her sort through her feelings. She sat on this for the day, but the next day let me know that she was ready so I set up the soonest appointment (which was last Friday and her second appointment this afternoon) It’s only been a week so I don’t want to get too optimistic but honestly I feel like I’m noticing an improvement already. She’s actually been engaging back in small talk when normally she wouldn’t give me the time of day. She’s been following all of the rules, coming home at a reasonable hour, she’s been less withdrawn and more social even to the point where her brother commented on the change today! But the most exciting news of them all is when getting out the car on her way home from therapy, she said and I quote “thanks dad”. She’s never called me dad before so honestly I’ve been riding off that high for the last two hours I’m not delusional enough to think everything’s peachy but honestly the behavior change in the last week was the most progress we’ve had since, well, ever. I’m cautiously optimistic going forward. Thanks again everyone for your comments, especially the ones who gave me the kick in the ass I needed.

I commented on your first post. Very happy to see this heartfelt update. I personally thought that you were for the most part NTA, but still good on you for taking criticism so well and using that to strengthen your relationship with your daughter. A lot of people in your shoes would not have handled it as well as you did. Hoping life is easier on your going forward, take care dude!

My boyfriend had to go to the ER after a accident, and he got a truly ridiculous bill back. I offered to fight the bill for her because I've done it before, and he said sure. I went all-out, because honestly if we were out 5 grand, after insurance, that would fuck up our holiday plans pretty bad. So I... - had him call the hospital and authorize me to handle his bill and access his medical records. - got an itemized bill and compared the prices for each code to the fair prices - called billing to dispute the bill, but was told that billing only collects bills, I'd need to contact admin to dispute - bounced around a call center for hours trying to get someone who was actually qualified for bill disputes, and getting nowhere - google and linkedin searched for the hospital board of directors and upper management - got 30 emails of the most influential people at the hospital, plus the hospital's investors - every day would send a few emails, working my way up the chain, and writing an (increasingly long) email describing how they billed my "client" at 7 times over the fair price for services rendered, and how their billing department, customer service department, and the growing list of management I'd emailed, had failed to address the issue. - escalated the emails until I was writing the director-level staff with the entire board of directors and a number of outside investors CC'd, asking for a written statement regarding their justification for billing at a rate 7 times higher than the national average, for commensurate services to what is available at other hospitals. And sternly laying out the failures to appropriately respond, at every level of the company. Well, once I'd done all that (which was honestly only like 15 minutes a day) they reduced the bill... From $5000 to $26. Yep, twenty-six fuckin dollars. Well, I told my boyfriend the good news, and he was at first overjoyed and blown away, like literally jumping up and down and hugging me and saying I was literally a Christmas miracle. But then when he asked how I did it, I said it wasn't too hard, I just had to send a couple emails each day. He was curious what I'd said, and I handed him my phone. He started to get stressed, and flipping back through other emails. Which there were like 60 of. He told me I went way too far, he was expecting me to dispute through their billing department or something normal and reasonable like that, not internet stalk every single manager and board member and investor and harass them into dropping the bill. I was frustrated because I'd just saved us 5 grand, actually made it possible for us to afford a nice Christmas and save some money, and he was mad at me because I'd been a bit of a hardass? I was furious, and he was also mad at me, saying he authorized me to dispute a bill, not basically threaten and harass a whole damn hospital for weeks. AITA for how I got my boyfriend's medical bills dropped?

You are a friggin' rock star and should be a damn professional advocate for those who get ripped off in healthcare like this. Your boyfriend is so unappreciative and is clearly clueless on how diligent you need to be to challenge an erroneous bill. When the hospital, doctors, and insurance companies are unwilling to help you resolve their errors, what else are you supposed to do? So many people just quit and either pay the massive bill or go into debt. Tell your boyfriend this is the only Christmas gift you're giving him. Clearly NTA.

My son burps a lot while eating. I have tried telling him multiple times that it is rude. I've told him to slow down so he doesn't swallow air with his food. I've told him that it is disgusting. My wife will instantly jump in to defend him. She will say that's just the way he is and that it's not his fault. The thing is he can control himself when I remind him. He just chooses not to. He just went on a date with his girlfriend last night and she tore him a new asshole. It was his first time meeting her parents since they live in another city. They went out to a fancy restaurant and he burped all the way through supper. He came home almost in tears from her chewing him out for behaving like a jackass in front of her family. I heard him telling my wife about it and I laughed. She asked what was so funny and I reminded them both that I had tried dozens if not hundreds of times to teach him table manners and he rejected them and she protected him. I said that now he is a grown man and he had to learn the hard way. They both think she overreacted and that I'm the asshole for being amused by his experience.

NTA. I also laughed at this. How old is your son? Doesn't matter either way. There are times for this behaviour. Dinner at a restaurant is not one of those times. Girlfriend did not overreact. Hopefully he learns a valuable lesson from this.

Original [here ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hutuck/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_being/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Ultimately I realise that the majority of the blame was mine. I never EVER should have called her lazy because that isn't what she is. I lashed out and I shouldn't have. She stayed at her mothers for a few days, and we eventually met up to talk. I told her how it just got too much for me, but it was no excuse for lashing out and I apologised. She apologised also, not that she needed to, and we talked for a long while about how we can make our relationship work. I expressed my concerns over her therapist who is very against anything other than talking therapy. She agreed that he didn't seem to really have her best interests at heart and she is currently looking for someone new. For now, I suggested she stops looking for work. She got a lot of rejections and I could see it was upsetting her more. I just felt we should take a step back from that and I want her to focus a little more on herself. She was unsure as she felt bad that I would be working for both of us, but I assured her it is fine. (I make enough to support us both quite comfortably). I also suggested maybe she could volunteer at some point just to get her out and get some more stuff on her resume. I'm no therapist so these were just suggestions, but it has seemed to have taken some of the pressure off her which is all I wanted. We agreed that being in the apartment all day alone and in bed is not good for her. So, we came up with a plan that she do an exercise video 3 times a week (it's only a 10 minute one), just so she is doing something. She has found she likes doing them, they make her feel a bit better after, and has started something called Yin Yoga now too. To help me, she has ONE chore a day to do. I don't care what it is. It could be dishes or it could just be putting the laundry in the hamper. This rule has at least gotten her out of bed for part of the day and she's found that once she starts she sometimes ends up doing more than one thing. I make sure to show my appreciation for whatever she has done, no matter how small it was. We have set out that every sunday we will have a deep cleaning day where we get everything done for the week. This has been surprisingly successful. We make it fun and just mess around while still getting things done. It makes the week a lot more manageable when we only have light chores to keep on top of. She is trying more, and I am also working on being more supportive about her depression. I'm researching it more, and learning ways I can help her because it is a part of her. We are both putting more effort in and communicating a lot better. I hope we keep making progress because I do love her very much and want us to work.

It's so nice when these things have a happy ending! Good job on working on your issues and communicating properly! <3

One of my (29M) best friends “Carla” (31f) is getting married soon. It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding but they’ve been planning it for a few months now and originally it was supposed to be on my property. They wanted it because it’s private, has lots of open space for the reception, a nice view and the house could be used for them to get ready and stuff. Of course I said yes, she and her fiancé “Rick” were very happy. Thing is Carla and I do have a history. We went out on & off in college but decided to stay friends. Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick and now here they are. Now my wife knows I went out with Carla back in college and she didn’t care. Carla still went to our wedding and everything. I never knew if Rick was told or not, it’s not my relationship therefore not my business to say anything so I never did. Rick found out recently and not in the best way. Not sure how but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him (no idea why) we used to date. Not only that but apparently Carla said a couple years ago she was still in love with me when she was already dating Rick. Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told. All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past and he’s angry at her for never saying anything. It became quite a drama and didnt hear from her for over a month until now. She told me they’re going to couples counseling and that the wedding is still on. But Rick requested that I not attend. It sucks but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable. Then I asked the obvious question, where are they going to hold the wedding then? To my surprise she said they still want it at our place. Rick said so to and in my mind I’m going “he doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancée years ago at the wedding, but still wants the wedding at his house.” My wife and I are expected to just...not be at our home that weekend, And I told Carla no. They’re going to have to find some place else since we’re not going to simply leave our home to them for the weekend. Not only for safety reasons but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house? They really want their wedding here though and because of that I’ve been bugged by not only her but also Rick and some friends who think I’m being a petty asshole for not letting them have the wedding here anymore. Honestly don’t think that I am, it just doesn’t make sense at all to have to leave our own place for a wedding we’re no longer welcome to and leaving our home totally vulnerable. Still, being accused of sabotaging their wedding and Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything. AITA?

Rick doesn't want to get married anymore but doesn't want to be the bad guy breaking up with his fiancee, so he's put her in an impossible position so he can get the sympathy when they split. NTA.

I (19f) study drama at uni, and my boyfriend is on the same course. My boyfriend is a really good-looking guy, but he doesn't seem to know it. He gets a lot of attention from girls and for the most part, doesn't seem to get that they're flirting with him. I'm not generally annoyed by this, and never really say anything. However, there's one girl in our class, let's call her Victoria, who is obsessed with my boyfriend. She goes out of her way to be paired with him in group activities (for example, if the professor picks groups by numbering us 1, 2, 3, she will move herself to be in the same number as him) and she recently stepped down from a main role in a play we're doing so she could be in a more minor one, simply because this character has a romance with my boyfriend. I know this is the case, because I've heard her say to her friends that she thinks he's hot and what not. I've never said anything to her about it, because she seems pretty insecure (always complaining about how she thinks she's ugly) and I don't see it as a big deal because my boyfriend doesn't care. However, we recently performed the play and had a small afterparty where she got slightly drunk and was bragging about how she 'definitely felt something' when they kissed in the play and she's 'going to ask him if he felt the same'. I rolled my eyes and again ignored it, until she actually went up to my boyfriend. She was a little bit drunk, and when she went up to him I was there too. Victoria started saying that she knows he must have felt a spark, he's a really good kisser, etc. I snapped, and sort of shouted at her that 'you sound incredibly desperate, going after somebody else's boyfriend. You're pathetic if you think a stage kiss means you should be together.' She looked super embarrassed and walked away, and I later heard she'd gone home crying. I feel like a dick because she's obviously insecure and whatnot, and her friends haven't stopped calling me a bitch since. AITA? Edit: She 100% knows that I am his girlfriend, I have heard her talking about me being his girlfriend before.

NTA. She took it WAY too far. Approaching him about it was out of line.

Some backstory: I had been dating my ex fiancé Sarah for four years. We had been planning to get married in November 2020 but I found out at the start of this month that she cheated on me. She begged me to give her another chance but I broke it off. The problem was that being cheated on is, in my mind, completely emasculating and humiliating. So I never told anyone that was the reason we broke up. For obvious reasons, Sarah also didn’t tell people we broke up because she cheated. So people have “blamed” me for the breakup, including my mom. They just see that I dumped her out of the blue. I’ve gone very strict no contact with Sarah after I discovered she was cheating on me. Sarah has been talking with my mom and has convinced her that if we could talk one more time, we would be able to reconcile. My mom has been applying hard core pressure on me to talk with Sarah but I’ve explained that there’s no chance we will ever get back together. So tonight I go over to my mom’s place because she’s hosting family for Christmas Eve. I’m there for a bit talking with my aunts and uncles and cousins when the doorbell rings and I can see it’s Sarah. I ask wtf is going on and my mom says she invited Sarah so we can work this out in the spirit of the holidays. I’m pissed now because the only way to explain my side of the story is to tell everyone I was cheated on. Complete humiliation in front of my whole family. So as my mom goes to the front door, I go into the bathroom. My mom starts knocking on the door saying that I need to come out and talk to my ex like an adult. I say fuck it, kick out the window screen and get in my car and go home. My mom called a short while ago saying she’s cutting ties with me over my behavior (she’s really fixated on me jumping out of a window) and that Sarah will always be like a child to her. My sister called me after to ream me out for ruining Christmas. I broke down and told her that Sarah cheated on me which is why I dumped her and didn’t want to see her under any circumstances. She called me a big asshole who was lying to cover for myself. Am I really in the wrong?

Fuck that. Your mom, Sarah, and your sister are all assholes. The NERVE of her, to show up at your mom's house! I'm pissed off just reading this! I don't understand why your mother is so invested in Sarah. Why would you want to tell her Sarah cheated on you, after how your sister acted? What a fucking mess! Not gonna lie, you kicking out the screen and taking off through the window is straight savage. Reflexes up on legendary. NTA Thank you very much for the awards, kind strangers! My first platinum! And 3 silvers! I'm very grateful! Wow! Thank you!

My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we're excited. Thing is he barely attends any dr appointments with me and his excuses aren't even valid. He's willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends. His response is always "I'm not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?". Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby's gender reveal appointment but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish 'n' chips meal. I was pretty livid but didn't make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead. He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me but I hung up each time. He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results but I refused and bluntly told him, since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby's born and said I was wiling to die on this hill. He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him. He said he's the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn't alone and mom was with me. I said he gets no results period. He's been fuming about it and told his family and they're now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him but I declined. AITA? EDIT/UPDATE: Hi, so, first of all, wow!!! I did not expect this to blow up. Sorry, can't answer any comments because of feeling overwhelmed...um I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my dr to get the results. It didn't go well and we had another argument over it. He couldn't get it since his mom was the one who made the call.

NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born.

My fiancee (F) and I (M) are getting married. We've decided wedding's gonna be childfree. No hate towards children just to keep it more organized and contained. My brother 'Chris' (M) and his wife (F) have a 3 yro son who everyone calls "miracle" or "rainbow" baby. He came after several failed pregnancies that lasted for years. When they found out that my nephew was included in the no children rule; they tried to convince me to make an exception for him. Chris told me his son is a miracle baby and his presence at the wedding will bring "blessings" for me and my fiancee. I refused and said no, the wedding is childfree. His wife kept sending my fiancee pics of my nephew when he was months old (what that mean??). I told them no, and to stop. My brother told me this might cause a rift in our relationship, I again said no and explained that the wedding is childfree. He asked again and pointed out how his baby is different since he's a rainbow, a miracle baby. I again said no and explained that the wedding is childfree. They brought it up when they visited at my home and I knew they weren't going to stop so I'd made flash cards in advance with the phrase "the wedding is childfree, period" and pulled them out and started slowly showing them the flash cards one by one in this order: - The wedding (with a sticker of bride and groom). - Is Child (with a sticker of a baby). - FREEE (with a sticker of a 🚫 sign). - PERIOD (with a huge, black dot sticker). They both were stunned. I asked if they get it now and Chris had lost his shit. His wife had already grabbed her stuff and walked out. Chris called me an asshole for doing this and said that I disrespected him, his wife and their son who's my one and only nephew. He rushed out after we argued. My fiancee saw the whole thing and thought that it was funny but my parents and Chris are livid beyond measure. They're telling everyone about the amount of disrespect and mockery I had displayed towards them and I'm being told to "fix it" now.

Well, I suppose you could have used hand puppets instead, but flashcards seem to have gotten the message across. It makes me insane how some parents think their little bundle of joy should be allowed anywhere, anywhen, anytime and that no never applies to them. It's pretty clear they were going to run this horse right up to the altar. NTA.

Ok this is the worst. I’m losing sleep over this. I’m getting married in a week to an awesome woman, and I cannot wait to be her husband, we are so excited. My brother is gay, but my family doesn’t know, only me and my parents know. I come from a very old school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century’s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/sibilings are open minded, and are living in the present. So my brother has been dating his bf for 6 months now, the dude is great, I’m so happy my brother found a great guy. But it’s kind of a secret, as he hasn’t told my family he is gay. I’ve been telling him for years that he should come out, cause I know it stresses him a lot, and I think it will make him feel better not to hide anymore, plus I bet a few family members already know anyway. But he disagrees cause he knows a part of the family won’t accept it and it will be a lot of drama. I see the opposite, I see it as the sooner you know who the idiots are, the sooner we can cut them from our lives. I have no interest in having someone in my life that doesn’t accept my brother being gay. Anyway, that’s his decision not mine, so for now he won’t say anything. Until a few weeks ago, when he said he wants to bring his bf to my wedding. I was not expecting that to be honest. So he went from 0 to 100 pretty fast. If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don’t think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and bullshit that would happen. And I don’t want to get the attention away from my fiancée, that’s her day. And I dont wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it’s a pretty good reason I asked him why my wedding day, he said it’s because he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most, me and his boyfriend. This is killing me. I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can’t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future. I didn’t even tell her, she is already stressed out, dont wanna make it even worse With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me. He started crying and left my house without saying anything. Next day I got a text and he said “ dont worry, going alone”. I tried calling him but he didnt answer me, and my parents don’t seem to know what’s happening because they didn’t say anything. He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us This is the worst situation of my life, am I the asshole for handling it the way I did? PS 1: I wanna thank the redittor that sent me a private message and said they hope a mass shooter shows up at my wedding, so thoughtful!!! PS 2: Thanks for the gold and stuff! Update: spoke to fiancée, couldn’t keep this from her anymore, she agreed with me. Clarification: I know it won’t be my brother that would cause trouble. The trouble would start with remarks and looks from some aunt/uncle. Doesn’t matter, we are spending a lot of money on this wedding, planned it for a long time, my fiancee put her heart and soul into planning this wedding.I don’t want to see my bride or mom crying, or some idiot uncle insulting my brother. Literally every other day of my life I will support my brother’s decision to come out. Even at the wedding, I would obviously defend him. But the point is, NOT AT THE WEDDING. Also, MY BROTHER IS NOT THE ASSHOLE. Not at all.

NTA - God I'm queer and I gotta say, a sibs wedding would NOT be the place to trot out that bit of my life. Its your wedding its your day. Although I have to say if your wife is level headed she wouldn't let a family fight ruin your relationship. Did you talk to her about this?

My (M26) sister (F23) runs a bakery business and she’s been struggling lately to keep up with orders because she’s been short staffed. She does a lot of orders for wedding cakes that require custard or marmalade fillings, and I offered to help her out by making these fillings at home and bringing them to her so she has less work to do. Unfortunately, the past four times I’ve made these fillings, my girlfriend (F24) has literally dipped her fingers into the filling jars and contaminated them because, in her words, she “just wanted to try some.” I’ve tried explaining to her that she can’t dip her fingers in and contaminate the entire batch, because then I have to remake it. I said she should use a spoon and take some out if she wants to try so bad, but she just pouts and says that she likes using her fingers because it takes her back to her childhood. Today, I was trying to finish some chocolate custard to send it over to my sister really fast because she was running late on a wedding cake order for an important client. I told my girlfriend beforehand to not eat the custard, and if she really wanted to, to please use a spoon. I get out of the shower, and what do I see? She has her fingers in it again! I totally lost it because this is the fifth time she blatantly disregarded what I said, and I yelled at her and told her to “stop fucking eating” the food I’m making, because it’s not for her and she’s contaminating it. She started crying and got mad at me for “fat-shaming” her, even though I made no comment on her weight and she has no history of weight issues or eating disorders. I know I was harsh, but she kept pushing my limits. AITA?

Does she also wear a diaper and draw on the walls with crayons because it reminds her of her childhood? NTA

My (56M) wife died at the young age of 51 from a car accident. I was in deep mourning for about a year after her death. I met my new GF C (43F) around January. C was the one who made me laugh for the first time after my wife died. She’s smart as hell (3 Ivy League degrees), has a dark sense of humor that I love, a terrific cook, and overall an amazing woman who I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. She is also on the heavier side, a fact that becomes relevant later. I have 2 children, E (25M) and A (19F). They were well aware that I had gotten a new GF before I first introduced them to C this summer. She got along immediately with E, but A was very very standoffish. After that initial meeting I asked A if there was something wrong but she denied it. C made a few more attempts to get to know A but they were all rudely rejected. E and A both came home for Thanksgiving dinner. I asked A to please be polite during the meal since she’s always been rude in her interactions with C even though C has been nothing but gracious in return. The dinner was going as well as it could have for the first 10 minutes, although I noticed A glaring at C the entire time. When C went to grab her third helping of mashed potatoes, A said “Don’t you think you’ve eaten enough, you fat pig?” C started sobbing immediately and ran off into the bedroom. I felt my face turn red and told A to get out. About half an hour after A left I texted her stating that I would no longer pay her tuition unless 1. She apologized to C and 2. C accepts her apology. A must have assumed that I was bluffing because she instead doubled down on her behavior during Thanksgiving dinner. I then logged into her university’s tuition payment website, canceled next semester’s tuition, and sent A the screenshots. She called me crying and begging me to reconsider but I told her my mind was made up.

ESH. Something more is undoubtedly going in between C and A. You need to find out why A has such a strong dislike of her and reacted so strongly. A is probably still deep in mourning for her mother. You've managed to put your grief behind you, but the process is much slower for some people. Seeing C in her mother's place at Thanksgiving was probably very hard on your daughter. That doesn't excuse her rudeness, but it might explain it. Secondly, you've made your daughter's tuition dependant on C accepting her apology. As the fees are something between you and your daughter that's not appropriate especially as C seems to be the issue here. Edit: when I say 'C is the issue' I mean the relationship C and A have, not C herself.

UPDATE: AITA for sleeping top naked in my room? [Original Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlqn2c/aita_for_sleeping_top_naked_in_my_bedroom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Hi everyone! I wanted to give an update on the situation since a lot of people were really concerned for me. After the whole debacle, I did purchase a wedge for under my door from Walmart . It worked, and I didn’t have anymore issues with waking up to people in my face. I used the excuse that it was to keep our cat from opening my door at night and my mom seemed fine with that. While E was here and even after he was gone my mom seemed detached and sort of out of it. I asked if everything was okay and she said she needed to sort out some feelings first but she promised we’d talk when she was better. I said okay and left it at that. Couple days later, E came back for another weekend stay. The day after he came they had an at home date night with drinks and fancy takeout, and that night I woke up to my door being messed with. I call out to see if it’s my mom, and got no response. I pulled on a t-shirt n shorts and pull the door wedge out to check, and E is standing at my door. He was drunk, and I was a bit panicked because I thought something had happened to my mom and he needed help, but he just stood there for a few seconds without saying anything. He didn’t seem to be sleepwalking or in peril so I said “I’m uncomfortable, I’m closing my door.” Before I could close the door all the way, my mom flew out her room, saw him, and started cussing and screaming and telling him he needed to leave. They argued back and forth for a while but eventually she got him out the door. After calming her down I took her to her room and we had a talk. It turns out, the day she had came into my room, she had been on his phone and saw he was talking to his brother in law about me in very disgusting ways, talking about how I was growing up to be very shapely and mature, and that he couldn’t wait until I moved out so he could dump my mother for me. He said far more explicit things that were all extremely worrying, especially since we’ve known him since I was 11. My mom had came to tell me to be careful around him while she thought of a way to break it off safely, but when she saw my state she had some misplaced anger. He’s out of our lives now, thankfully. TL;DR: boyfriend was actually a creep, mom had misplaced anger. I wanna say thanks to everyone for all the suggestions and recommendations, and even those who suggested my mom could be abusive (I plan to talk to her about her other ideals/behaviors soon). Sarcastic thanks and genuinely big “fuck you”s to those who sent me crude messages. I’m just glad the situation is over.

Hi Friends! As most of you are aware, we have strict rules to comply with reddit TOS around violence. That includes shutting down convos about grooming/pedophilia/otherwise creepy as hell behavior. With that in mind, we decided to strike a balance between not allowing this update, and a flood of "pedo" comments. This post is intentionally locked.

[update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaygivings/comments/revywd/update_aita_for_ruining_thanksgiving/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [Christmas ](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaygivings/comments/rrif5i/made_turkey_for_my_orphans_christmas_party_i_wish/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I (30f) met my bf (30m) 3 years ago. Before me he was together with his HS sweetheart. They fell out of love and broke up. A year later we started dating. His mom however was still heartbroken about it. I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me. The ex basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family. For the first year of my relationship his mom would call me ex’s name, until bf got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off and said it was just a habit. After that she started calling me the wrong name. (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story). I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later. My bf has two sisters and a couple of weeks before thanksgiving we were invited to bbq at the older sister’s house. I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands. The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening. She then said iut loud “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?”. The sisters giggled and looked at each other and I said “thats a great idea!” I didn’t tell my bf what happened. On thanksgiving we went to his mom’s house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked l, everybody was shocked. I said “what? I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!”. There was yelling, crying and then we got kicked out. My bf is so angry with me he hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s over tbh. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I?

\*Thunderous applause\* You're my favorite asshole for this. My absolute hero. ETA: Wow! Thanks for the awards! ETA 2: I'm being asked to give judgement. I repeat: OP is my favorite asshole. Not THE asshole here (so NTA).

My great-aunt set up savings accounts for all of her female relatives. In our culture education for women is not really valued and she thought that was bullshit. She lived with her father in London where she was educated. She went on to attend university and became a doctor She married a British man, they moved to America and had a great life. She funded the education of as many of her neices and grand neices as she could. When she passed away she left money for every girl relative she could. My parents managed to access the accounts that were set up for my sister and I. They used it to pay for my brother's wedding. My sister didn't care because she got married two years out of high school and had no intention of going to college. When I graduated I went to the bank to get money for school and it was almost all gone. There was like $13,000 left. I asked my parents about it and they said they had needed the money. I finally found out where the money went. I got furious. I got student loans and moved out. I am a great source of shame to them and I don't give two fucks. I am currently suing them for the money that was left for me. My entire family is against me. They all think I am a complete asshole for airing private family business in public. And that I am putting money ahead of family. My friends are all on my side but they are all Americans and don't really get my culture. Neither do I to be honest. My brother called me up and offered to pay for my university if I drop the lawsuit. I agreed as long as we had a legally binding contract. He said I was being an asshole for not trusting him. I said he should not have accepted my money for his wedding. It is causing all kinds of embarrassment in our community. I am somewhat ashamed to be doing this but I don't want to have this debt I should not have.

NTA. Your parents didn't borrow your money. They stole it. I hope you have all the documents to show that money was yours. Your brother is also the AH for trying to get you to drop a lawsuit with what is most likely a lie. If you have a chance to start life without student debt you do whatever you can to do that. Your parents , and I'm sorry but their culture, sound completely toxic. I'm glad you got out.

I (26f) recently moved into my first home. I am also 4 months pregnant with our first baby. The pregnancy has been very hard. I have horrible morning sickness. It reached a really bad point where I passed out hit my head and my Dr admitted me to the hospital for a week. When I got home my husband allowed his brothers family to move into 2 of our 3 bedrooms. (They were evicted i dont know why). One room was My office was tossed into our room papers every where. The house was a complete wreck. Trash, dirty clothes, used diapers. I started to cry. It was like a light flipped my husband was no longer the same. My husband told me it "wasn't that bad". My reply was "fine then you should have the house cleaned up before I wake up." Completly exhausted I fell asleep for 4 hrs. I woke up and went to get a drink of water. I couldn't every glass we own is scattered around the house. They didnt clean a single thing. I passive aggressively started to pick up the dirty dishes and washed them. The following morning. I was trying my best to work when their kids were crying non stop. Banging on the walls so on. Their mom was in her room for hours ignoring them. When my husband came home. He was upset with me over how I didn't make his brother's wife feel welcome in our home. By helping with their kids when she was tired. Then continued to complain how nothing was done while he was at work all day in the house. Yep the same one he didn't clean. That lead to a fight where I told him. "I am too sick to have company and they need to leave". To which he replied they are his family and he won't kick them out. I started to cry again. I was beyond frustrated, exhausted, I physically couldnt do it anymore. I called my mom asking if I could come stay with her. Telling her the whole story infront of my husband. Who at this point was completely shocked, Angry, also I could tell he wasnt sure what to do. My mom came with my brother's (I have 3 older brothers). My mom super angry told my husband. "Since your family can stay so can we." My mom quickly took charge. I was sent to bed. My brother's started cleaning complaining loudly at how disgusting my BIL family is. Along with what a horrible husband my husband is for putting me through this while I am sick. I got a text message from my MIL for calling me an A for not helping my husband clean up the house and putting my BIL in a uncomfortable position by having my mom boss him around. Edited to add update, when my MIL showed up she was super angry outside. I could hear shouting but, couldn't understand what was said. Once inside she was shocked. My house looked really bad. My BIL lied to her about what happened. My MIL quickly started to help my mom in the bossing mode. My house is not just cleaned but deep cleaned. My BIL and his kids are now staying with MIL. She didn't know about the eviction. My in-laws helped them financially a couple of months ago. My MIL was not happy about it. SIL refused to come out of the bedroom. She would scream through the door but that was about it until her family came to pick her up. Last little bit. I did talk to my husband. He seemed very remorseful. I asked for some space he is staying at a hotel. He asked to come by and talk to me tonight. My mom and dad are here. Both mom's felt like I should have someone here since I am sick. Both moms have set up a meal plan. Where they trade off who will bring in dinner. It was my MIL idea. Thank you for all your advice. I truly appreciate it. Talk with husband: summed up since it lasted 4 hrs. it was a hard talk. He is remorseful. Bil was only supposed to stay for a couple of nights. Then leave originally he thought they would be gone before I got home. He said he is tired and emotionally upset himself. When I originally passed out. My husband left to help a friend move. He came home and found me. He said he has no idea how long I was on the floor hurt. He was originally scared I had died. Since then he has had nightmares. On top of dealing with his family drama. He admitted to dumping his frustration onto me. When it's not my fault. He begged me for another chance. The next steps. We are still separated. He plans on staying at my brother house in his casita. We are going to go to marriage counseling and Individual counseling. He asked if he could come when the home health nurse comes each night and to my Dr's appointments. I agreed to that. Update on BIL: his wife admitted to having and affair. She told him she got married too soon and doesn't want the responsibilities of being a mom anymore. I am not sure what will happen with him and his kids but, I am shocked that she feels this way especially with her kids.

Wait.. your MIL called.. to fuss at you for INVOLVING YOUR MOTHER?!?! There's this pot kettle thing.. NTA 1000%.. but house guests in a shared home require TWO yesses and only one no. Both of you agree or it shouldn't happen. Your husband has treated you abominably. I'm not sure I could deal with that honestly. Can you go stay w your mom?

My dad passed away 2 weeks ago. Me, my wife 'Candace' and my daughter (16) 'Shiloh' and her stepsisters (19) & (17) flew to my hometown to attend the funeral. After that we got 2 hotel rooms (one for me and Candace, one for the girls). While I was in the room, I got a call from Shiloh at 11pm crying and sounded like she was arguing with her stepsisters. I asked what the matter was and she told me that her stepsisters insisted that she sleep on the floor (there were one large bed in the room and there was enough space for all 3 girls to sleep on). I asked why and she said she didn't know. I went to see what the issue was and talked with my stepdaughters about it. They kept talking but didn't really explain why they told her to sleep on the floor. They just shrugged and said "It's better this way...we're more comfortable this way..". I told Shiloh to grab her things and when one of my stepdaughters asked where we were going, I told her I was booking her a hotel room. Both looked upset but didn't say anything but they must've called their mom because she was awake when I got back and started arguing with me about giving Shiloh an entire hotel room for herself. I explained why I did it but she said I wasted money and that Shiloh could've sucked it up for one night on the floor. I called her unreasonable for saying this but she told me I showed the girls that I'm "playing favorites" and made my stepdaughters share a room while I gave my daughter and entire room for herself. We went home and Candace is still bringing it up saying I mishandled this. She even pointed out how my stepdaughters are upset since they're not speaking to me. ETA It was Candace who got a room for the 3 girls as to not stir any drama and save money. She was in charge of hotel reservation since I was emotionaly distressed. Also. Candace did NOT expect Shiloh to sleep on the floor. She wanted all 3 girls to share the bed. ETA#2 For those that are calling me an ah for giving my daughter her name. Her mom did that and she's deceased so please let's not focus on that. And also, I've known my stepdaughters since they were little. We're pretty much family and Candace is a sahm but I give her full access to my money since this stuff was already discussed before handed. Pretty much everything was.

What I'm getting from this is that your stepdaughters were trying to live up to the Disney depiction of step-sisters and were shocked when they couldn't just bully her into getting what they want. What's extra gross is that they did it when coming back from Shilo's grandparent's funeral. Talk about cruel. You're definitely NTA. But also wtf is wrong with Candace if she sees this as playing favorites? Her daughters tried to make yours sleep on the floor for fun. Sounds like the apples don't fall far from the tree. Have you pointed out your daughter is also upset because of the situation and ***she*** is playing favorites? Edit: Thanks for the awards, people of the internet!

So this is a throw away account. While my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. I'm a 28F and I have a sister (36F) For the sake of story, I'll just call Jane. Jane is married to "Bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. My niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. They fight as siblings do but nothing big. I love them. Now for about two years, I did live with my sister. It was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. She saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. Even when I managed to get a small part time job, she demanded I hand over nearly half my pay or get out. It was hell as she took completely advantage of me. I moved out as soon as I could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings. Now after I moved out, she started complaining how "She has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" I babysit sometimes but I have made it clear, just cause I am off work, doesn't mean I want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. Anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. Not a kid but a teenager. I pressed her for more info on this. She wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. This is her logic: "I want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. They can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. They can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(She bakes and sells cookies) Also babysit the kids so me and Bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. They'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. I won't have to pay them at all. And then when they turn 18, I can just sign up for another foster kid! A teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes." I was horrified! Told her it was a horrible idea! She didn't listen to me. She went on with it anyway. About a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. She had put me down as a character witness or something like that. I immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when I lived with her. The lady thanked me. My sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. The social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. She asked if I said anything and I told the truth. She went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. She has sent some angry texts. A couple family members are on her side. They think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework. So AITA here? Edit: So wow! I didn't know my post blew up like this till I got home from work! Thank you everyone for the kind words, messages and awards. Remember no child is in control of the circumstances that may have landed them in the foster care system. They are children and still human. They deserve a loving home and care. Do right by a foster kid. And thank you again. Feel free to message me or chat if you like.

NTA. You told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. It is a foster child, not a slave.

I (M/37) have a 13 y.o son. I was a widower when I met my now wife. She has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. The family is often on pretty good terms. My son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. My wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. They both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. My son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. I spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. As mother's day was approaching I wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. It was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. Yesterday I got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) I had the key and while I was entering the house through the front door I overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. My wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. I paused and decided to keep listening. My son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. He promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. He kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. My stepdaughter threw some (I don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. Both were staring without saying anything. I told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and I told her why. She tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that I only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. I told her I was done arguing and the decision was already made. She yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that I was making tremendous mistake towards her. I ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. Early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. Situation is full of tension. I'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. I mean yes I did say I was going to havw this celebration but I thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.

NTA. Guarantee they have done this before. Circle the wagons, protect your son. Such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. To make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. Your son deserves so much better.

I've been married to my wife Beth for 5 years. I have a bio daughter named Jessica (she's 18). And I also have two stepdaughters named Monica and Leah. They're 25 & 28. Both are single moms and live with us currently. there's been issues about my stepdaughters asking my daughter to babysit the kids. Jessica didn't have a problem with it at first since this is what she does to earn money but since her stepsisters don't pay her much, she'd just refuse to babysit. We worked this out by having my wife take care of paying for the babysitting. I planned a family vacation for 3 days and everyone wanted to go. However, Both Monica & Leah suggested that Jessica stay home and watch the kids since Beth doesn't want her grandkids to come. They said it's because the kids are used to Jessica and hiring another babysitter would cause issues. And also said that Jessica isn't too "fond" of our destination but it was obvious that Jessica wanted to go. They insisted and Beth offered to pay her double and there was just..a lot of back and forth on this til I demanded they stop bringing it up. We were supposed to go last week but when everybody had bagged their bags and was time to go, Jessica found out that she didn't have her passport on her. We searched her bag then went home and searched there. Beth and my stepdaughters kept insisting that we go back to the airport or else we'd miss our flight. They insisted that Jessica stay at home with the kids. They even told the new babysitter to go home cause she was no longer needed. I refused to go and kept searching for the passport til Monica admitted that she helped Leah hide Jessica's passport to get her to stay home with the kids. I was livid I tried to get her to tell me where it was but she said Leah had it, Leah denied so I threatened to cancel the vacation that's when they gave it back. I decided to actually cancel the vacation and blew up at both of them and berated them. They stayed upstairs for a while and Beth refused to speak to me and said that I punished my stepdaughters for worrying about their kids and wanting them to stay with someone they know. I got told I overreacted and ruined the trip for everybody. Editing to mention that kicking my stepdaughters out isn't possible since my wife co-owns the house that we currently live in.

NTA. To be honest, I would have kicked your wife and lazy no-good stepchildren out right then and there and ended the marriage. If they were 12 I might understand this level of entitlement and immaturity. But in their late 20s??? And WTF with your wife??? She should have roasted them for pulling this BS.

I wanna preface this by saying that I f34 married my husband m37 a year ago. His mom is snoopy and annoying af. She can't help it that is just how she is as my dear in laws say. My husband and I purchased a new house recently. My MIL kept pushing to get an emergency key, She promised that she only use it in an emergency but giving the fact that she had an emergency key to our old apartment and walked in on us being intimate twice (but my husband didn't think it was big deal) I just couldn't trust her so I just sent her a fake key (after she kept pushing) and she had a smug on her face after I hand delivered it to her. Days gone by and on Christmas dinner MIL angerily "called me out" on the fact I gave her a fake copy of the house key. She shamed me for doing this in front of everyone but in my defensive I asked her how she found out and she said days ago when she came over at 4 while my husband and were out. I reminded her "didn't you promise you wouldn't use it unless there's an emergency? So You tried to get in when there was no emergency and you broke the promise you made to us!" She looked red in the face and the other family started staring and some even laughed at her for the face she made. She suddenly got up from her seat and rushed into the kitchen where she had a huge meltdown so loud the next door neighbors must've heard - literally I've never heard a 60+ year old woman throw a tantrum like that. Needless to say dinner went awkward and my husband and his sister were giving me looks. My husband went off on me in the car and said I lied and manipulated and humiliated and exposed his mom and said he wouldn't have let me get away with it had he known. We had an argument and he is demanding I apologize to his mom for my childish behavior and for ruining Christmas dinner for the whole family. AITA? Eta so this went off unexpectedly and I thought I'd show my husband some pretty helpful comments I found here minutes ago but he got mad at me when he saw it and said I was nuts to talk about his family online. He demanded my phone so he could delete it but I refused and I went upstairs and into the bedroom. I never seen him so agitated and I didn't think he'd react like that honestly. But thank you guys for your support. It really means so much. I'll update if I can. Thanks again :)

NTA. I'd rethink my marriage if my husband put his mother over me. Edit: spelling

**EDIT: THE BOYFRIEND DOESNT LIVE WITH US AND DOESNT PAY RENT OR BILLS. HIM AND HIS DAUGHTES SPEND TIME HERE AND PAY ONLY FOR THEIR FOOD: SOMETHING I DO AS WELL*** My dad died suddenly about a year ago, and my mom found this really nice guy that she’s started seeing. I’m 23M and going into my final year of college. My moms boyfriend has two daughters ages 15 and 13. My mom has stepped in to be a mother figure to them, and the boyfriend has stepped into my extended family becoming everyone’s favourite uncle. And while i’m glad everyone else is comfortable, i’m not. He isn’t a bad guy, I’m just still grieving my father, and it feels like he’s trying to replace him. He tries to set rules for me, things like chores and curfew, that my dad specifically didn’t because he thought they were ridiculous for an adult. Boyfriend thinks it’s only fair because i have siblings now. I think it’s ridiculous to have the same rules apply because of our age differences. He’s trying to get me to share my stuff with his kids. They aren’t lacking for anything but he thinks it’s only fair because ~family~. I live in the basement of my moms house. I have since i was 15. When you come in the front door there’s a door to the basement and the stairs to go into the house. So it’s pretty separate. So last night i was DDing for some friends and got home at 2 am. I had nothing to do until 3pm today since classes aren’t until next week and my new job starts in 2 weeks. So this has never been a big deal with my parents. I shot my mom a text and went to bed. Tonight though, man, boyfriend flipped. I got a lecture and sent to my room and “possible loss of car privileges.” I snapped and laid it out for him. I told him i’m leaving the city after i graduate, i told him i’m glad my mom found a new partner but that i am not and will not be looking for a new father figure and he needs to respect that. I told him our relationship won’t be father/son for some time, and that he needs to respect me as an adult or that i won’t want to have a relationship with him. He told my family and they think i’m the asshole. AITA?

NTA : You’re an adult so the rules shouldn’t be the same for you as they are for his teenage children. Your father recently died and neither him or your mom should be trying to push the step dad role onto you. I completely understand why you’d lose it like that. It still too soon for him to be trying to take your fathers position. He probably means no harm but he has to understand given the circumstances and why you’d feel the way you do.

My brother is a very hardworking man and at 27 he is now very wealthy and doing well for himself. He’s been with this girl for six months and throughout the time we have gotten close because we both like hair, makeup, and shopping. I never knew there was anything wrong with their relationship except when she texted me last week I saying she would love to hang out but thinks it’ll be inappropriate because her and my brother broke up. I asked her why and she said she was sick and tired of “auditioning” to prove she was with him for the right reasons. She went on to say that my brother is paranoid she’s after his money so he would test her like 1. Leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up 2. Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet on home at purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she’s not going out with him for money 3. Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn’t. I was shocked so I had to hear my brothers perspective. We spoke and he told me everything she said was true and that there’s nothing wrong with making sure his girlfriend is with him for the right reasons. He said he left his bank statements on the bed and was peeking through the door to see if she would be curious and when he saw her pick up the papers he knew in his gut she was using him for his money, so he set up the restaurant idea to see if she would get upset at paying a 500$ bill which she was. I asked him if he thinks her being an elementary school teacher could’ve contributed to her being upset at a 500$ bill at a restaurant he wanted to go to and he said no. He said the straw that broke was when she asked him why he hasn’t bought her a single gift since they’ve started dating when she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car and he knew she was just discretely asking him to buy her an expensive gift. He confronted her and said he thinks she’s with him for his money so she said let me do us both a favor and dumped him and blocked him. He’s upset about the “gold digging bitch” and when I laughed he called me an asshole. He said I would never understand what’s it’s like being a rich man and being used and I get that concern, but I told him if he thinks any woman will be okay with his tests and auditions he’s delusional as hell. If he doesn’t want to be used for his money he should start dating people as wealthy as him or leave lower income people alone if he’s not going to be genuine in his relationships unless they pass his “test”.

NTA. Sounds like you told your brother the truth. He sounds immature and testing a partner never turns out well.

My mother died when I was 16. My dad married another woman two years later. My grandparents, my dad's parents, HATE my stepmother. I really don't like her either. Even after my half-siblings were born, my grandparents never warmed up to her. My grandparents are quite wealthy. My father has been banking on this inheritance for a while. He has even been not paying into his retirement because he's so sure that he will inherit the millions. I just found out on Saturday that I'm getting the majority of my grandparents estate. My father is getting a token amount of $50000 so he can't dispute it. My grandparents made me promise not to give out any money after and I intend to keep my word. But I do feel really guilty that my father just spends his money as it's coming in because he's relying on money he won't get. I also found out my dad is in a lot of debt. AITA for not telling him?

NTA Your grandparents should be honest with your dad. By not telling him, they are setting you up for a LOT of drama after they die, and that's not fair to you. Your dad shouldn't be spending recklessly and counting on inheritance money to come in and fix everything. That's ridiculously irresponsible. Everyone in this situation is an asshole other than you.

**UPDATED 7:50 PM:** Holy crap! Thank you for the outpour of support, everyone. I never thought posting this in an online community was going to reach the right eyes so quickly! I had written this on my lunch break and was completely blown away and brought to tears when I checked back in after work. Several people reached out with helpful resources, including a litigator on Reddit who put me in contact with a colleague who practices in my state. Apparently there is precedent and people have won against the state although it did take several years. &#x200B; My intent was to answer more questions since I wasn't able to do that while at work. I was also going to post the website as that has been a popular request, however I've been told not to continue further discussions beyond what I have already posted if I wish to pursue a civil suit. &#x200B; Just a couple things I want to address in my update here. Some people are saying I'm leaving out details. My original post was much longer but there's a 3000 character limit imposed. I had to delete a lot of things from my initial draft so I apologize if it looks like details have been left out. I did try to make sure everything that was relevant was kept. Lastly, my son is now back with me. There was a lot of paperwork and even a court hearing, but we're together now and that's what counts. &#x200B; I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your comment or private message. I'm still going through my unread messages and still have quite a lot left to read. Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, words of encouragement, and advice that you sent my way. I can't even begin to put into words how grateful I am. Again, thank you so much to all the kind strangers who went out of their way to help. &#x200B; \--------------------------------------------- &#x200B; Back in November 2018 I was arrested at work in front of my boss and co-workers. It was the most humiliating thing I've ever experienced. I later learned at the police station that I was being charged with multiple felonies. This came as a huge surprise. Luckily I was able to keep my wits and lawyer up instead of speaking with the detective. For $13,000 which completely wiped my savings, I was able to retain a criminal defense attorney. However it cost me everything and I was unable to pay my bond. This resulted in me staying in jail for a total of 54 days. At a status hearing, my attorney presented video evidence of me gassing up my car 3 hours away from where the crimes took place and I ended up having all my charges dismissed. When I finally got out I learned that I had lost my job, was in the process of being evicted, and my son was in the state's care. His mother is a heroine addict and I haven't spoken to my own parents in nearly 15 years. They wouldn't let him go to my girlfriend because they didn't consider her family. &#x200B; Since my release, I've learned that I can't sue the police and no one gives a shit that I was locked up for 54 days because the detective did poor investigation work. I've gone to the local press about this and was told that what happened to me happens quite a bit. They took down my info but never followed up. So what I did was create a website sharing my story. I also uploaded the police report and some other documents from the discovery. Literally the only reason why I was arrested was because an eye witness said they saw me. If the detective had done his job, he could have verified that I wasn't even in town on the day the crimes took place. This is what pisses me off the most. My life was ruined because of a lazy employee. &#x200B; I'm writing this now because my website is now ranked #2 on the first page of search results when you type in my town's name. I live in a touristy town and we attract a lot of visitors over the summer. My web traffic has more than quadrupled, and apparently it's gotten someone high up's attention. I received a cease and desist letter recently, which I showed to my attorney. He said sharing my experience online isn't illegal and that everything I had stated was a fact or my own opinion, protecting me from a defamation lawsuit. Yesterday I received a visit from two officers and the detective who had arrested me. He apologized, stating "mistakes can happen." They then talked to me about my website and asked if I could remove it. I said I would delete it on the condition that the detective leave his job and never do police work again. Suffice to say that isn't happening. &#x200B; After the visit I received, I'm more pissed off that the only reason the detective apologized to me was to get me to take down my website. I don't plan to and the only one supporting this is my girlfriend. My friends think I'm being spiteful and have suggested that I just delete it. AITA for keeping my website up? Edit: Grammar

NTA, tell them that you will take the website down for $13,000. Edit: The armchair lawyers are out in full force today. [Click here to find out why this isn't extortion](https://www.minclaw.com/extortion-websites-demand-money-remove-negative-content/).

My wife and I bought a four bedroom house in PA that my son lives in. Our son went to College in PA and wanted to stay in the area. So we bought the house as a second home, we live in NJ and commute into Manhattan for work. We figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together. We pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. All was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. We met her and she seems nice enough. The announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son. Now for the problem: The wedding !!! We hold a little get to know you BBQ at the PA house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. We all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. A few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. The come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to NJ. I try to find out what happened. Once we get back to NJ and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. According to what I was told "We're not their kind of people". I was livid, I called my son and asked him WTH this was about. He tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding. I let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the PA house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. It appears that they all moved into the house They ask me why I'm there, I tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, I was coming over to talk to my son. They tell me to leave their house. I lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. Tell my son I'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. I go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale. They call my son at work and tell him what I said. Apparently they thought that he owned the house. He calls me and asks why I'm selling his house, I tell him I paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. He was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. I tell him the same as I told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then I'll get a lawyer and get them evicted. Am I the AH for taking a hard stance on this. He is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count.

NTA. And I want an update on this because it sounds nuts. What kind of people do they think you are? How was your son ok with excluding his whole family? Do you think your son’s been brainwashed by his fiancée? How did he think the house was “his” when he didn’t pay the taxes on it? So many questions.

# Major Update: 60 Minute Contest Mode & Extension of Beta Testing to August 14. **We have now updated the contest mode to 60 minutes after significant feedback requesting it. The Beta Test will be extended to August 14.** It has now been approximately 6 days since our test began. We ran into **overwhelmingly** positive feedback, and we thank you all for participating in our beta test so far. Please see below for some comparative information! **We noticed MASSIVE increases in time until top comment** > Before, the top comment was posted within the first 4.47 minutes average. > With the 30-minute contest mode, top comment is posted around 6.82 minutes after the thread's creation (on average). (Around 30-40% increase) > With the 60-minute contest mode, top comment is posted around 11 minutes after the thread's creation (on average). This is an INCREDIBLE increase and very rare for Reddit as a whole. We're taking this as a win. (Around 120-150% increase) > Unfortunately, we can't ever address the issue that a comment posted 10 minutes earlier will get more visibility and upvotes. However, this has mitigated the issue slightly, and now there is a much larger window for people to write more quality comments. **Currently, the average top comment is approximately 246 characters long (or 41 words according to Google).** > We don't have concrete statistics for comment length prior to the change. However, we know it was much shorter. I think it was somewhere around half? > This shows that the contest mode has allowed users to write longer comments without worrying about being first. Longer comments don't always mean higher quality, but we have noticed a powerful improvement to the overall comment quality (based on personal use and community feedback). **More information to be seen! We will be releasing a poll shortly, along with a new thread.** ----- ----- ----- ----- ------ ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- # Original Thread Info Hey all you assholes and judges. We recently ran a few statistics on our sub and we found a major problem. A huge percentage of our top voted comments are made in the first 5 minutes after the thread's creation. [Take a look here](https://m.imgur.com/a/vZVv1ag). We think that's a problem. A comment shouldn't be considered "top" just because it was posted first. We want to encourage quality and thoughtful comments, rather than 3 word quips. So, we've decided to fuck with the sub. --- # Introducing ~~30-Minute~~ 60-Minute Contest Mode For the first 60 minutes after a thread is posted, it will run **Contest Mode.** The comment order will be random, and not sorted by popularity. You will not be able to see the karma score of comments. After 30 minutes is up, you will be able to see everything again. The comment order will be "Best" instead. **Why did we do this?** The first comment shouldn't have an unfair advantage. By opening 30 minutes of randomization, everyone posting in the first 60 minutes has a more fair and equal chance of having their comment seen by the community. No one's comment will be buried into oblivion anymore. We tried contest mode in the past, but for much longer (a few hours). It didn't work out well. A 60-minute length will not have as much of an impact on a thread's popularity, and hopefully you guys will like it better.

This sounds like it'll still encourage early commenting, but at least we have time to write out our asshole-themed rants now.

First of I'd like to say thanks to everyone who gave their suggestions and well wishes, unfortunately I didn't get to read everybody's comments as there are too many but thanks to everyone anyway. Now onto the update. I gave my mother a few days to calm herself down before speaking to her again, she eventually came around. She recognises that it's not optimal for my son to stay with her and that he would be better with my aunt. She knows that my brother is a slob and is giving him a good kick up the arse to get his life together and shit. I have spoken with a lawyer who has helped me with a lot of things including getting my son legally adopted by my aunt and her husband. He will still be staying with me until i... pass As a lot of you suggested I made recordings and videos of myself giving him advice for his milestones. For example: when he looses his first tooth, turning the ages 10, 13, 16, 18, 21, his first girlfriend(or boyfriend if he likes, I've made a video in case he is in any way lgbt+) leaving secondary school, going uni, getting married or if he has any kids. There are also things I've put into writing, like how his mother died and that he was supposed to grow up with a twin brother that also sadly passed. I've also had my lawyer help me set up a little trust to will him £40,000(from my girlfriends father when he died, she put the money in a joint bank account that I got when she passed) in case he needs help with university or decides to go travelling. All I have to do now is to enjoy the time I have left with him, I've moved my younger brother into my flat so that there will be someone to find me everyday for when I go. When I'm gone I can at least be comforted by the fact that the son I love so much is being taken care of and that I will see the girl I love again and our other angel I never got to meet. Thank you all again Edit: this is op's brother writing this edit, he has since died

Hope you read this. You're an amazing father

Throwaway because husband told me I was TA and want to know before I get home and argue. On phone format is bad. I was in a higher end department store today (rhymes with loomingtales) and happened to end up next to two teenage aged girls while shopping. One of the girls had picked out a pair of VERY expensive boots and they were both fawning over them. Second girl must have looked at price tag and asks boots girl if she’s really gonna spend that much on boots. Girl with boots says something along the lines of “it’s fine I have my dads credit card I’m not paying ” which instantly caught my attention because THATS NOT HER CARD. I’ve told my son multiple times he’s never allowed to use my card so I’m interested to see how this girl thinks she’s going to get away with fraud but had split up from the girls at this point because they had found something else. We end up at the same register (me behind) and I see her total hit well over four digits. The girl is about to swipe her card when I decide that I can’t let her get away with something like this and someone has to parent this kid if no one else will. I tell cashier that isn’t her card but her father’s and I’m not sure she has permission. Girl and friend turn and glare at me giving me possibly the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen. I swear this girl was going to throw a tantrum right there, I don’t think she was ever told no. Girl tells cashier her father gave her the card to shop with because it’s the stores credit card and it gives him the points. Now that I’ve pointed out it wasn’t hers cashier tells her she can’t use that card. Girl tries to show ID to prove they have the same last name ( yeah that will help) and I tell her it’s still fraud. Girl says it’s not fraud because she has permission and tells me to mind my own business. I tell her that it is my business that she’s doing something illegal she needs to pay with her own card or I call the cops. Girl is pissed now and people are glaring at me. She uses her own card and leaves crying. Cashier looks mad at me and I tell my husband when I get home only for him to agree I was in the wrong. So Reddit, ATIA?

YTA Did it ever occur to you that she was telling the truth and her dad had given her his credit card? Mind your own business. Edit: Holy shit this blew up. To everyone saying that she could have taken the card without permission, you are right. But it is still none of OP’s business and there is no way to know for sure. If the girl was an adult who said she was using her husband’s card, OP likely wouldn’t have batted an eye.

I am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. Both of them had spouses at the time. My birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when I was conceived so there was no way I was his. A few months after I was born they decided not to divorce. I was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge. Both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that I am adopted by my grandparents. Recently I decided that I wanted to know more about my dad's family and I sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so I could get to know him. Well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over Skype. They both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life. Well I did pretty much the opposite. I contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. She is now divorcing him while on my mother's side I told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother. Currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off I feel like I unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. AITA for ruining my parents marriages?

NTA You didn’t ruin anything - they did. Your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were. The only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. You did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden.

I (37M) have three girls; 8, 10, and 12. Their mother walked out on us for another man when our youngest was around 4. My ex still stays in contact, though, and pays child support. A few weeks ago while doing laundry, I saw red spots on my oldest's underwear. I asked her if she knew about it, and she cried and told me she tried to call her mom, but my ex didn't call back. She'd been stuffing toilet paper in her underwear, hoping that would work. I explained to her that periods are nothing to be ashamed of, and found some great resources online for us to review together. I took her to the store to pick out brands of feminine products she wanted to use (she picked Playtex Sport because she's a gymnast). After we were done, I decided I should do the same thing with my other two. My 12yo volunteered to be part of preparing them, and we made a whole night of it; it was wonderful, and I learned a lot. I even learned what a menstrual cup is, and how they benefit the environment. The other day, my ex called back. I'll usually arrange a video chat and leave the room so they can have some alone time, and when they're done chatting, I'll come back in to talk boring co-parenting stuff like school, bills, etc. This last time, my ex was FURIOUS with me for talking about periods with the girls. She shouted at me that I was sick and perverted, why didn't I call her myself if I knew it was so urgent, I could've called one of their grandmas/aunts, but my mom has dementia, while her mom and sisters call me a loser because I teach kindergarten, so I'm not fond of them. My ex told me I was being immature and should have just toughed it out for the girls. This really pissed me off, so I shouted back that maybe if she wasn't such a deadbeat and answered her goddamned phone once in a while, she could have handled this. I brought up everything she does that hurts them; she hasn't been to a single soccer game, piano recital, or gymnastics meet in two years, every other weekend when they come home from her house, they go straight to their rooms, only to emerge hours later asking me why she loves her new husband more than them, and what did they do to make her leave. My ex responded by saying I should tell them it's not their fault I couldn't satisfy her, and I screamed "fuck you", and she just smirked and pointed behind me, saying "Look what you did" When I turned around, my 8yo and 10yo were standing in the doorway crying. It broke my heart; I never shout, so I know I scared them. My 12yo stormed in and started screaming at her mom, and while I appreciate her sticking up for me, this is not a battle I want her fighting. My ex hung up before I could fully deescalate the situation, and let's just say the girls have been given free reign of the ice cream and limitless hours of video games, because I feel so bad. I even watched all the Twilight movies with them, so don't say I don't love them. But in this instance, AITA for shouting?

NTA ***Have you considered they were crying because of how you were treated rather than the fact you lost your temper?*** It's easy to assume the worst. Children are more observant than we give them credit for. That your daughter defended you right away pretty much makes it impossible to consider you an asshole. Looking at it from a pure logic standpoint, isn't it better they learn not to expect anything from their mom early in life? Certainly, you shouldn't have lost your temper in front of children, but no one is perfect, especially when someone is calling you perverted for being a great single dad. You also had no idea they were there listening so closely. Honestly you are way too hard on yourself to even think you needed to post here. Keep on being a great dad xD

My son was smart. Smarter than me. I almost requested a paternity test because he was so damn intelligent. THAT IS A JOKE. My ex and I divorced when he was about 12. She remarried when he was 14. I did when he was 16. I had an RESP set up for him. That's a education fund in Canada. As long as he went for post secondary education he could use the money for anything. I always told him that I was okay with him not going to university. That way I could use the money I had saved up for him to go to Belgium and buy some beer from monks that only allow you to buy one case. He knew I was joking and he always played along. He wouldn't let me get his goat. When he got accepted to McGill it was the proudest moment of my life. I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and mourn the loss of my trip to Europe. My son was struck and killed by a drunk driver in March. I'm dealing with it. My ex is dealing with it. My wife has been nothing but my rock in this. She is holding me up. I was dealing with the funeral arrangements and everything when my ex came to talk to me about his money. She knew he had a scholarship and was just going to use the money for living expenses and an emergency fund. She asked me what I was going to do with it. I said I was going to do what I always said I would. I was going to Europe to drink beer. She asked if she could have it for her step son. I thought about it and said no. Her husband is a decent enough person but he made it clear that he wasn't responsible for any expenses for my son. Beyond food and shelter and stuff obviously. Like I said he is decent. I said I was not going to do that. I was going to go drink beer in my son's honour. She says I'm wasting thousands of dollars. And I guess I am. I have to give back the government portion of the fund. But I don't care. My ex thinks I'm being stupid and irresponsible wasting my son's money like this. I don't care. My son would laugh his ass off if he knew I actually did it.

NTA. Sorry for your loss. I thought it was a clickbait title but this is a sad fucking post. I hope you enjoy your trip and pour out some for your homie. It sounds like you guys had a good relationship.  

I'm not really a photographer, I'm a dog groomer. I take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my Facebook and Instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. A cut and a photo with every appointment. I very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if I have a nice set up. A friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if I'd shoot it for them. I told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and I agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. On the day of, I'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. I shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception I'm shooting speeches and people mingling. I started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. Around 5pm, food is being served and I was told I cannot stop to eat because I need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. I'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. It's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110F and there's no AC. I told the groom I need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. There's no open bar or anything, I can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. He tells me I need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. With the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, I asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so I deleted all the photos I took in front of him and took off saying I'm not his photographer anymore. If I was to be paid $250, honestly at that point I would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. Was I the asshole? They went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.

NTA at all. You could have risked your health and they treated you like shit.

I'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. I've always been the type to have a side hustle I put a lot of my free time into; I get really bored sitting idle. My freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. So that's how I value my time. Anyway, over Christmas vacation, I was staying at my parents house. My cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from Christmas to new year's. I'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when I had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. I wasn't in any rush; I was already ahead of schedule on them all, but I didn't really have anything else to do. It was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything Then my cousin and her husband asked if I could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. I said I had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. I said I could if they got close to my freelance rates. She wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 I didn't feel like that was right, it was high. But I didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work I had for my freelance project. I don't know a lot about kids and I've never babysat for long, and I had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. So I said $35, which is below what I make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum I'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. And she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that I was entitled and being selfish, that I'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. I said that's way below what I'd be making if I had the time to do my own work, and I'd be putting off my own work to babysit. Her husband then got mad at me saying that I was a 24 year old girl, that I'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. And that I was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when I grew up and have kids of my own I will see how stupid I was being. I was kind of done with being called stupid so I just told them I hoped they could find someone else. My mom thinks that I asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. AITA for giving that number?

NTA. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? Even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. Obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job.