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Welcome to the source of most of our problems down here on Earth. Everything is planned down to the letter, then something goes wrong and the first thing we do is trade in our plan for a good ol' emotional freak-out.
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Uncertainty and fear are relieved by authority. Training is authority.
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It's a release valve. With enough exposure, you can adapt out those perfectly ordinary, even innate, fears that are bred mostly from unfamiliarity.
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We defeat emotions with logic, or at least that's the idea. Logic is q
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No, because I practiced for this situation and I can control myself. Or, No, because I caught myself and I'm able to realize that that doesn't add anything constructive.
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The phrase "This happened and it is bad" is actually two impressions. The first—"This happened"—is objective. The second—"it is bad"—is subjective.
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Musashi understood that the observing eye sees simply what is there. The perceiving eye sees more than what is there.
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To paraphrase Nietzsche, sometimes being superficial—taking things only at first glance—is the most profound approach.
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In the writings of the Stoics we see an exercise that might well be described as Contemptuous Expressions. The Stoics use contempt as an agent to lay things bare and "to strip away the legend **that** encrusts *them.*"
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Epictetus told his students, when they'd quote some great thinker, to picture themselves observing the person having sex. It's funny, you should try it the next time someone intimidates you or makes you feel insecure.
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That promotion that means so much, what is it really? Our critics and naysayers who make us feel small, let's put them in their proper place. It's so much better to see things as they truly, actually are, not as we've made them in our minds.
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Objectivity means removing "you"—the subjective part—from the equation.
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Take your situation and pretend it is not happening to you. Pretend it is not important, that it doesn't matter. How much easier would it be for you to know what to do? How much more quickly and dispassionately could you size up the scenario and its options? You could write it off, greet it calmly.
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Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.
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Perspective is everything. That is, when you can break apart something, or look at it from some new angle, it loses its power over you.
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We choose how we'll look at things. We retain the ability to inject perspective into a situation. We can't change the obstacles themselves—that part of the equation is set—but the power of perspective can change how the obstacles appear.
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It's your choice whether you want to put I in front of something (I hate public speaking. I screwed up. I am harmed by *this*). These add an extra element: you in relation to that obstacle, rather than just the obstacle itself.
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The way we look out at the world changes how we see these things. Is our perspective truly giving us *perspective* or is it what's actually causing the problem? That's the question.
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What we can do is limit and expand our perspective to whatever will keep us calmest and most ready for the task at hand.
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Small tweaks can change what once felt like impossible tasks. Suddenly, where we felt weak, we realize we are strong. With perspective, we discover leverage we didn't know we had.
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George Clooney spent his first years in Hollywood getting rejected at auditions. He wanted the producers and directors to like him, but they didn't and it hurt and he blamed the system for not seeing how good he was.
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Everything changed for Clooney when he tried a new perspective. He realized that casting is an obstacle for producers, too...
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In life our first job is this, to divide and distinguish things into two categories: externals I cannot control, but the choices I make with regard to them I do control. Where will I find good and bad? In me, in my choices.
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The difference between the right and the wrong perspective is everything.
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How we interpret the events in our lives, our perspective, is the framework for our forthcoming response—whether there will even be one or whether we'll just lie there and take it.
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Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective.
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It's an almost superhuman accomplishment. But he was able to do it because he got really good at asking himself and others, in various forms, one question over and over again: Is there a chance? Do I have a shot? Is there something I can do?
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All he ever looked for was a yes, no matter how slight or tentative or provisional the chance. If there was a chance, he was ready to take it and make good use of it—ready to give every ounce of effort and energy he had to make it happen. If effort would affect the outcome, he would die on the field before he let that chance go to waste.
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Even in the chaos of the emergency room, with doctors convinced that the boy probably wouldn't survive, John reminded his family that whether it took one year or ten years, they wouldn't give up until there was absolutely nothing left that they could do.
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He used to tell coaches that he would die on the field before he quit.
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
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Behind the Serenity Prayer is a two-thousand-year-old Stoic phrase: "ta eph'hemin, ta ouk *eph'hemin."* What is up to us, what is not up to us.
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And what is up to us? Our emotions Our judgments Our creativity Our attitude Our perspective Our desires Our decisions Our determination This is our playing field, so to speak.
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If what's up to us is the playing field, then what is not up to us are the rules and conditions of the game. Factors that winning athletes make the best of and don't spend time arguing against (because there is no point).
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rucial distinction to make: the difference between the things that are in our power and the things that aren't. That's the difference between the people who can accomplish great things, and the people who find it impossible to stay sober—to avoid not just drugs or alcohol but all addictions.
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In its own way, the most harmful dragon we chase is the one that makes us think we can change things that are simply not ours to change. That someone decided not to fund your company, this isn't up to you. But the decision to refine and improve your pitch? That is. That someone stole your idea or got to it first? No. To pivot, improve it, or fight for what's yours? Yes.
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To see an obstacle as a challenge, to make the best of it anyway, that is also a choice—a choice that is up to us.
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They had a job they wanted to do, a great idea they believed in or a product they thought they could sell. They knew they had payroll to meet.
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Yet in our own lives, we aren't content to deal with things as they happen.
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We have to dive endlessly into what everything "means," whether something is "fair" or not, what's "behind" this or that, and what everyone else is doing.
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Then we wonder why we don't have the energy to actually deal with our problems.
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Or we get ourselves so worked up and intimidated because of the overthinking, that if we'd just gotten to work we'd probably be done already.
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Our problem is that we're always trying to figure out what things mean—why things are the way they are. As though the why matters. Emerson put it best: "We cannot spend the day in explanation." Don't waste time on false constructs.
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It doesn't matter whether this is the worst time to be alive or the best, whether you're in a good job market or a bad one, or that the obstacle you face is intimidating or burdensome. What matters is that right now is right now.
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The implications of our obstacle are theoretical—they exist in the past and the future. We live in the *moment.* And the more we embrace that, the easier the obstacle will be to face and move.
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Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind. There's no other definition of it.
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F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
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Steve Jobs was famous for what observers called his "reality distortion field." Part motivational tactic, part sheer drive and ambition, this field made him notoriously dismissive of phrases such as "It can't be done" or "We need more time."
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Having learned early in life that reality was falsely hemmed in by rules and compromises that people ha
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Our perceptions determine, to an incredibly large degree, what we are and are not capable of. In many ways, they determine reality itself.
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He knew that to aim low meant to accept mediocre accomplishment. But a high aim could, if things went right, create something extraordinary.
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So many people in our lives have preached the need to be realistic or conservative or worse—to not rock the boat.
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For instance, think of artists. It's their unique vision and voice that push the definition of "art" forward. What was possible for an artist before Caravaggio and after he stunned us with his dark masterpieces were two very different things. Plug in any other thinker or writer or painter in their own time, and the same applies.
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This is why we shouldn't listen too closely to what other people say (or to what the voice in our head says, either). We'll find ourselves erring on the side of accomplishing nothing.
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Be open. Question. Though of course we don't *control* reality, our perceptions do influence it.
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Jobs refused to tolerate people who didn't believe in their own abilities to succeed. Even if his demands were unfair, uncomfortable, or ambitious.
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Jobs learned to reject the first judgments and the objections that spring out of them because those objections are almost always rooted in fear.
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Well, what if the "other" party is wrong? What if conventional wisdom is too conservative?
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An entrepreneur is someone with faith in their ability to make something where there was nothing before.
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A great leader answered that question. Striding into the conference room at headquarters in Malta, General Dwight D. Eisenhower made an announcement: He'd have no more of this quivering timidity from his deflated generals. 'The present situation is to be regarded as opportunity for us and not disaster,' he commanded. 'There will be only cheerful faces at this conference table.'
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Only then were the Allies able to see the opportunity *inside* the obstacle rather than simply the obstacle that threatened them.
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It's our preconceptions that are the problem. They tell us that things should or need to be a certain way, so when they're not, we naturally assume that we are at a disadvantage or that we'd be wasting our time to pursue an alternate course. When really, it's all fair game, and every situation is an opportunity for us to act.
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As Laura Ingalls Wilder put it: "There is good in everything, if only we look for it." Yet we are so bad at looking. We close our eyes to the gift.
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If you mean it when you say you're at the end of your rope and would rather quit, you actually have a unique chance to grow and improve yourself.
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A unique opportunity to experiment with different solutions, to try different tactics, or to take on new projects to add to your skill set.
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You can study this bad boss and learn from him—while you fill out your résumé and hit up contacts for a better job elsewhere.
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With this new attitude and fearlessness, who knows, you might be able to extract concessions and find that you like the job again.
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Note the fact that they also keep you alert, raise the stakes, motivate you to prove them wrong, harden you, help you to appreciate true friends, provide an instructive antilog—an example of whom you don't want to become.
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Blessings and burdens are not mutually exclusive. It's a lot more complicated. Socrates had a mean, nagging wife; he always said that being married to her was good practice for philosophy.
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The struggle against an obstacle inevitably propels the fighter to a new level of functioning. The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this.
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We can fight it the entire way. The result is the same. The obstacle still exists. One just hurts less. The benefit is still there below the surface. What kind of idiot decides not to take it?
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When people are: —rude or disrespectful: They underestimate us. A huge advantage.
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—critical or question our abilities: Lower expectations are easier to exceed.
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—lazy: Makes whatever we accomplish seem all the more admirable.
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It's a huge step forward to realize that the worst thing to happen is never the event, but the event and losing your head.
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The proper perception—objective, rational, ambitious, clean—isolates the obstacle and exposes it for what it is.
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A clearer head makes for steadier hands.
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But *boldness* is acting anyway, even though you understand the negative and the reality of your obstacle.
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We must be sure to act with deliberation, boldness, and persistence. Those are the attributes of right and effective action. Nothing else—not thinking or evasion or aid from others.
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None of it was fair, none of it was right. Most of us, were we in his position, would have given up right then and there. But Demosthenes did not.
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It inspired and challenged Demosthenes, weak, beaten on, powerless, and ignored; for in many ways, this strong, confident speaker was the opposite of him.
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So he did something about it. To conquer his speech impediment, he devised his own strange exercises.
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To ensure he wouldn't indulge in outside distractions, he shaved half his head so he'd be too embarrassed to go outside.
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In struggling with his unfortunate fate, Demosthenes found his true calling: He would be the voice of Athens, its great speaker and conscience.
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He had channeled his rage and pain into his training, and then later into his speeches, fueling it all with a kind of fierceness and power that could be neither matched nor resisted.
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Character says everything about us. And it's sad that so many of us fail—opting away from action.
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We don't act like Demosthenes, we act frail and are powerless to make ourselves better.
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We forget: In life, it doesn't matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you've been given.
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No one wants to be born weak or to be victimized. No one wants to be down to their last dollar. No one wants to be stuck behind an obstacle, blocked from where they need to go.
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Because each obstacle we overcome makes us stronger for the next one.
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No one is coming to save you. And if we'd like to go where we claim we want to go—to accomplish what we claim are our goals—there is only one way. And that's to meet our problems with the right action.
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Therefore, we can always (and only) greet our obstacles with energy, with persistence, with a coherent and deliberate process, with iteration and resilience, with pragmatism, with strategic vision, with craftiness and savvy and an eye for opportunity and pivotal moments
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We must all either wear out or rust out, every one of us. My choice is to wear out.
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But none of that would have happened had she turned up her nose at that offensive offer or sat around feeling sorry for herself.
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Life can be frustrating. Oftentimes we know what our problems are. We may even know what to do about them.
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And you know what happens as a result? Nothing. We do nothing. Tell yourself: The time for that has passed. The wind is rising. The bell's been rung. Get started, get moving.
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For some reason, these days we tend to downplay the importance of aggression, of taking risks, of barreling forward. It's probably because it's been negatively associated with certain notions of violence or masculinity.
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We talk a lot about courage as a society, but we forget that at its most basic level it's really just taking action—whether that's approaching someone you're intimidated by or deciding to finally crack a book on a subject you need to learn.
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He knew there was a weak spot somewhere. He'd find it or he'd make one.
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We will not be stopped by failure, we will not be rushed or distracted by external noise.