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500 | 501 | Why do gay men always have candles near their asses? So the gerbils can find their way out. | [ 1.06278166e-01 7.40135983e-02 2.57293810e-03 4.03304473e-02
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501 | 502 | [At the coroners' to identify a body] Me: "Yep. That's a body all right." | [-3.05766519e-02 1.34324133e-01 2.10384559e-03 2.11931262e-02
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502 | 503 | What do Jesus and your mom have in common? They both got nailed all night. | [ 3.45579535e-03 8.05466771e-02 -3.00402138e-02 -1.65728945e-02
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503 | 504 | How does J.G. Wentworth tell you that he's hungry? "It's my tummy, and I feed it NOW!" | [ 8.67824163e-03 1.50854364e-02 3.08589805e-02 6.13901354e-02
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504 | 505 | I can see you're upset. Maybe you should post more about it on Facebook. That should eliminate any more drama. | [ 3.06559373e-02 2.66852509e-03 6.07532170e-03 -2.68279593e-02
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505 | 506 | Dear lord, I thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen. | [-7.73700401e-02 -5.09906001e-02 2.97785811e-02 -8.68683215e-04
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506 | 507 | I have a pen..... I have a apple :D | [-4.09702510e-02 -4.66838069e-02 8.38761330e-02 7.47098541e-03
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507 | 508 | I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say "Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?" | [ 6.68892404e-03 -4.82082441e-02 -1.88568663e-02 4.19447459e-02
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508 | 509 | Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am. | [ 1.91707890e-02 1.74758025e-02 1.06300963e-02 6.58685714e-02
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509 | 510 | woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical. | [ 7.12904483e-02 3.36293317e-02 7.60348365e-02 6.42680377e-02
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510 | 511 | Just stirred my coffee with a fork if any of you guys are looking for a new bad boy to join your crew. | [-3.43525745e-02 -1.09142639e-01 6.61555231e-02 -3.12427599e-02
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511 | 512 | I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was. | [-6.72894716e-02 -2.78626033e-03 3.70222740e-02 3.11000403e-02
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512 | 513 | What's the name of the best brewer in the world? Bock Goodale | [-7.84891192e-03 -1.80493519e-02 -8.41370821e-02 8.98246188e-03
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513 | 514 | If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough! | [ 2.37166863e-02 3.11982948e-02 7.94214476e-03 -3.22941653e-02
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514 | 515 | To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen are attracted to Ladies. Not s?uts. Sorry. | [ 1.63336806e-02 -4.07671556e-02 2.47168448e-02 2.21075974e-02
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515 | 516 | Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle? | [-9.26875472e-02 4.32832763e-02 -4.84529696e-03 -2.64370348e-02
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516 | 517 | "Sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure... | [ 1.70027709e-03 -8.09266195e-02 -1.79290900e-03 7.93003943e-03
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517 | 518 | A horse walks into the bar Several people left because they realised the possible dangers of that situation. | [ 4.51135263e-02 4.14581448e-02 5.46982437e-02 9.48208049e-02
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518 | 519 | I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa. I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing. | [-1.35642418e-03 7.16215596e-02 1.40128965e-02 -2.68962141e-02
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519 | 520 | What's the integral of 1/(cabin)? 1 natural log cabin. I'll show myself out. | [ 5.01120351e-02 2.50933710e-02 8.02864321e-03 -1.34441303e-03
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520 | 521 | What's the only thing an Irish person can hold on to? A grudge. | [ 1.18216733e-02 4.78579104e-02 -4.16858569e-02 -6.83379024e-02
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521 | 522 | A Midget Walked Past Me On The Sidewalk Today Wearing A Shirt That Said "I Hate Black People" ...I thought to myself "Well damn- thats a little racist. | [-4.00796831e-02 1.62853763e-01 3.67006734e-02 1.79961380e-02
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522 | 523 | Nsfw Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? The zit waits untill you're 12 to come onto your face. | [-1.42015560e-04 4.81134206e-02 -5.74974641e-02 2.33545136e-02
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523 | 524 | True: If you don't eat a whole basket of tortilla chips before your entree arrives in a Mexican restaurant it means you don't love your mom. | [ 5.10256402e-02 4.90277000e-02 3.20559368e-02 5.01145311e-02
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524 | 525 | What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire? Dracowla! | [-1.02008648e-01 5.14485650e-02 -3.67671400e-02 1.20048143e-01
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525 | 526 | A clown at the circus got tomato thrown at him from the audience, he turns and says HAY, THATS NOT FUNNY | [-3.75469914e-03 5.72889410e-02 2.28954386e-03 -4.38686535e-02
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526 | 527 | Doctors have confirmed that masturbation is life threatening Many men have died after having a stroke | [ 4.72886534e-03 -3.25446315e-02 -9.87240695e-04 6.93347976e-02
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527 | 528 | The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're hoping Trump isn't | [ 8.31073672e-02 -3.65893543e-02 1.78786311e-02 3.14439759e-02
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528 | 529 | What does a sheep in denial say? Nahhhh | [-1.80810485e-02 6.43728450e-02 2.25170031e-02 3.09822802e-02
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529 | 530 | Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing? A. She was run over by the zambonis machine. | [-4.95602265e-02 2.22688038e-02 1.65638383e-02 6.01456203e-02
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530 | 531 | I really like those Black and White movies where no one speaks Inter racial porn. | [ 4.34977747e-03 -5.24805374e-02 -3.73077169e-02 -5.03719933e-02
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531 | 532 | hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on | [ 2.99086124e-02 -3.11582945e-02 6.20399900e-02 2.91102603e-02
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532 | 533 | Alien 1: What are the Humans doing? Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I. | [ 1.34351179e-02 -1.26871113e-02 1.04069198e-03 9.26852226e-02
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533 | 534 | Remove all the poles if you don't want me stripping, Mr. Bus Driver. | [ 3.94601654e-03 9.37198997e-02 3.79343368e-02 -3.50678479e-03
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534 | 535 | What Did the Upvote whore say to the Redditor? I'll suck yo dick for a Upvote | [-2.00108171e-01 -5.71558764e-03 -1.94570702e-02 -2.88305115e-02
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535 | 536 | Wiping your ass is a lot like a traffic light Red means stop. | [ 3.81669998e-02 -2.68611815e-02 1.00930184e-01 4.22111750e-02
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536 | 537 | I'm never more ruthless than when deciding who to wish a happy birthday to on Facebook and who to ignore. | [-2.23080050e-02 1.05155841e-01 8.91796872e-03 -2.66441926e-02
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537 | 538 | "I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists." "I'll kill a lion!" "It was a beloved lion with a name." "Dammit." | [-9.40585583e-02 8.04031342e-02 1.49823232e-02 4.39363644e-02
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538 | 539 | Just because I'm Irish doesn't mean I am always drunk. It means I always want to be. | [ 7.31754750e-02 -2.06956454e-02 8.76097847e-03 2.26215199e-02
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539 | 540 | Just once I'd like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p*nis is. | [-7.21438527e-02 3.68025750e-02 2.54814904e-02 7.30931759e-02
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540 | 541 | My friend asked me... My friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want | [-3.48977335e-02 5.94667979e-02 -4.42211982e-04 -3.86698470e-02
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541 | 542 | Subway's Jared got famous for fitting into smaller pants... ...now he is known for hoping to get into really small pants. | [ 3.14868540e-02 -1.22344550e-02 4.70589846e-02 -5.98842883e-03
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542 | 543 | Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie, romantic.....but do it on a bus and the judge doesn't agree. | [ 1.51030151e-02 8.77567977e-02 -3.26340552e-03 -3.91333587e-02
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543 | 544 | Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they can't elope. | [ 7.18838125e-02 3.29234675e-02 7.48512894e-02 1.66424061e-03
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544 | 545 | What did Asian Jesus say before he was crucified? (OC) YORO (You only resurrect once) | [-4.08384800e-02 1.11506619e-01 -1.16506163e-02 4.30584606e-03
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545 | 546 | What is the preferred coffee drink of people with alzheimer's? The Iforgotto | [-3.32958326e-02 1.80364260e-03 -2.38644034e-02 8.33532512e-02
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546 | 547 | You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you're sleeping with. | [ 3.00584994e-02 1.09345177e-02 -5.44014536e-02 4.92334589e-02
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547 | 548 | What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a voluptuous lobster? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean. :D edit: funnier when said aloud | [ 2.17310861e-02 -1.48674268e-02 6.74353093e-02 -5.29607274e-02
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548 | 549 | I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters... Its shift work. | [-7.64064416e-02 -5.18366136e-02 8.15691203e-02 1.42167686e-04
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549 | 550 | I decided today that I want to have kids I hope they taste good | [-5.46299629e-02 -8.80656615e-02 3.54926102e-02 4.97846566e-02
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550 | 551 | What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows? A murder most fowl. (I'll see myself out...) | [ 2.73214746e-02 -3.34447213e-02 -2.34679617e-02 3.42841484e-02
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551 | 552 | Which nut could pimp the Prince of Darkness? Mack-a-Dameon. | [-7.33077601e-02 -3.68748195e-02 2.67132260e-02 3.54053937e-02
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552 | 553 | Italians and Spaniards are so used to Catholic child abuse... ... That they call the Pope daddy | [ 2.28948682e-03 5.96889928e-02 -3.05228345e-02 8.64412412e-02
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553 | 554 | If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging. | [-8.06230959e-03 -2.92362031e-02 8.07174221e-02 3.16912346e-02
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554 | 555 | Tom got a backache from working as a seer. He's got the hunch. | [-8.61319676e-02 4.26960504e-03 4.20828350e-02 -4.68070209e-02
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555 | 556 | How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem. | [ 3.63400057e-02 -3.29988115e-02 3.14732268e-02 -4.46289574e-04
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556 | 557 | I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex | [-4.50852402e-02 -1.68257672e-02 1.03914455e-01 2.35654544e-02
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557 | 558 | Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy? Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel. | [-4.12417091e-02 1.32689402e-01 3.54785956e-02 2.11657640e-02
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558 | 559 | Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today | [-2.45595463e-02 6.91482425e-02 6.69796243e-02 6.69071302e-02
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559 | 560 | Everyone in my class is arguing about science, And I'm just sitting here, maths debating. | [-6.73382427e-04 -4.67955582e-02 -5.07528428e-03 3.17808241e-02
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560 | 561 | A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off. | [-2.79542673e-02 1.11053422e-01 -6.21226989e-02 -5.46316653e-02
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561 | 562 | The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from. | [-2.09478056e-03 1.11966230e-01 1.44924233e-02 -3.58565263e-02
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562 | 563 | I like my chicken how I like my babies Deep fried and delicious | [-7.39706233e-02 -5.05974963e-02 4.87634959e-03 4.89866063e-02
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563 | 564 | I bet a heroin addict could find a needle in a haystack. | [-5.16014099e-02 -1.76534317e-02 -1.05487518e-02 2.14753710e-02
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564 | 565 | what did cinderella do when she got to the ball? gag... | [ 7.73036182e-02 7.91442469e-02 3.79696898e-02 4.62616347e-02
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565 | 566 | I got in trouble for calling the rape hotline... Apparently it's only for "victims". | [-3.91380377e-02 2.78611407e-02 -3.57191935e-02 5.25665209e-02
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566 | 567 | My daughter asked me how much longer until she can be a grown up and I said, "no." | [ 4.09763865e-02 7.16919899e-02 -1.09380744e-02 3.02874483e-02
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567 | 568 | I saw a sausage fly by my window I must be going insane it was actually a bird. I think I've taken a Tern for the Wurst | [-6.76440913e-03 7.16949031e-02 4.56981547e-02 6.67978898e-02
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568 | 569 | If Kevin Bacon never said "want some bacon with your eggs" to a lonely chick in a bar, life just doesn't make sense anymore. | [ 1.10181998e-02 -1.14587145e-02 5.07782437e-02 1.40474895e-02
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569 | 570 | "Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend | [-3.98737751e-02 6.83811074e-03 -9.71121807e-03 8.73879343e-03
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570 | 571 | Follow your dreams. Unless you're a narcoleptic who wants to be a limo driver. That's dangerous, dude. | [ 8.78478587e-02 -5.22228330e-02 1.97505318e-02 4.97859940e-02
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571 | 572 | What was Hitler's last two words? Oy Vey! | [ 5.27764671e-03 3.23254652e-02 -1.98468007e-02 1.33833401e-02
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572 | 573 | Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50 one buck at a time to panhandlers on the street. | [-1.67142565e-03 1.03937375e-04 -1.63892023e-02 2.72672586e-02
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573 | 574 | I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in. | [-3.64694260e-02 -3.00570782e-02 4.10928531e-03 -1.49300918e-02
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574 | 575 | I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::...::::: | [-6.91218525e-02 -1.23879015e-02 9.06520039e-02 1.01995200e-01
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575 | 576 | How do you make Helen Keller cry? Turn the stool upside-down | [-4.16845828e-02 1.46640930e-02 5.33824712e-02 1.42646581e-01
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577 | 578 | My life That's the joke. | [ 3.02698761e-02 -1.00336103e-02 3.57263759e-02 4.43604141e-02
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578 | 579 | Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid. | [ 3.98306325e-02 -3.29409353e-02 4.94526662e-02 -1.13711178e-01
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579 | 580 | Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don't be discouraged. You'll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs. | [-1.71445310e-04 7.48057514e-02 4.86345366e-02 7.84165263e-02
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580 | 581 | Me texting friend: Hey! What's up? Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling* Me: I am so glad I didn't ask "how's it hanging" | [ 2.87796557e-02 6.05710223e-02 5.24317771e-02 -9.11925733e-03
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581 | 582 | I cheated a guy in poker so he burnt down my house. I guess you could say it was a conflagration | [ 1.86391119e-02 8.13302398e-02 4.87170704e-02 1.43368570e-02
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582 | 583 | Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other "I had sex with a brazilian last night" The other blond replies "WOW that's a lot of men" | [-1.92812998e-02 -1.09380148e-01 -4.29169647e-03 7.46382549e-02
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583 | 584 | Did u hear about the leper poker game? everyone threw their hands in | [-4.12627198e-02 5.73608391e-02 1.79890841e-02 -6.08050898e-02
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584 | 585 | 'I want to see other kids.' ~Me, parenting. | [-6.10363409e-02 -2.25586873e-02 1.45091321e-02 3.62255946e-02
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585 | 586 | The nintendo 64 turned 18 last month Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges | [ 2.04594638e-02 4.13074158e-02 -2.10034829e-02 -7.42166638e-02
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586 | 587 | They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum | [-3.49025019e-02 5.55579625e-02 8.69825657e-04 -6.17443398e-03
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587 | 588 | Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know... | [ 2.72982158e-02 1.42312050e-01 3.94702740e-02 2.81214565e-02
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588 | 589 | Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday. | [-5.59264943e-02 7.64517263e-02 1.07694738e-01 -5.51505052e-02
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589 | 590 | My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now. | [-4.82254149e-03 4.76266332e-02 -4.17522974e-02 1.11450084e-01
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590 | 591 | What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff. | [ 1.74760278e-02 -7.70621076e-02 -6.46381751e-02 7.83320442e-02
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591 | 592 | "Some say I have a drinking problem" *pours glass of water on lap* | [-1.92960929e-02 5.26984334e-02 6.09075502e-02 1.61699876e-02
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592 | 593 | Fun typo: "You ate the most important thing in my life." | [-3.06682978e-02 8.74869227e-02 8.41457471e-02 1.88958049e-02
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593 | 594 | A mushroom walks into a bar The bartender says: "Get out of here! We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says: "Why not man? I really am a FunGi." | [ 5.67952311e-03 2.14536060e-02 -4.53068363e-03 4.58297767e-02
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594 | 595 | I voted for Jill Stein Finally I'm part of the 1% | [ 7.25308508e-02 -2.73383912e-02 4.40777354e-02 4.92984138e-04
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595 | 596 | Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party. | [-1.02764892e-03 -3.02947368e-02 8.31730887e-02 -3.81238945e-02
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596 | 597 | What did the hamburger say when it pleaded 'not guilty'? I've been flamed! | [-6.74354658e-02 6.50663227e-02 3.39925732e-03 2.53621466e-03
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597 | 598 | Starbucks really isn't that expensive when compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup | [ 4.67557237e-02 -1.66363362e-02 2.86968593e-02 9.67712030e-02
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598 | 599 | What do you call little kids in Belgium? Brusselsprouts | [ 3.95632312e-02 5.26631624e-02 4.37774137e-03 2.80016344e-02
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599 | 600 | They say love is worth more than money. But I'm pretty sure my landlord is gona want more than a hug. | [ 2.19720863e-02 7.94107467e-02 6.53842762e-02 3.37890536e-02
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