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blog30407 | And my brain tried to come up with excuses like, There's only going to be hot dogs and crap to eat at the game, so I need to eat dinner now. Which is not a bad idea, but I don't need to have a pork rib! At 4:28. | blog |
blog30407 | My numbers yesterday aren't bad for a drinking day. Also, limited myself to three drinks. Yay for me. | blog |
blog30407 | I've had about a tablespoon of sour cream. Very little cheese. | blog |
blog30407 | Had an excellent day yesterday. I will attribute it mostly to having a salad for dinner, and being so busy talking to Daisy that I didn't even finish it. Also, it was a Greek salad with no calories of consequences except for the tiny amount of feta cheese in it. It was mostly lettuce. I might even be overestimating it. | blog |
blog30407 | I think that's why I couldn't wear them back when they were nominally my size -- they just don't fit my body right. Because the waist is OK, the behind is OK, but they're too tight across my lower stomach. | blog |
blog30407 | 10:20. Shit. | blog |
blog30407 | Had to move over to the PC, since geek boy is on the Mac. Dinner was very good on the numbers, considering how much I ate! | blog |
blog30407 | I'm at just over 2000 calories now, and I'd still like to have two drinks and share a dessert at the restaurant. Which will put me at around 2600, and that's WAY too much. Well, here's what I'll do: stick to vodka and sodas, which are only about 65 calories each. That's not too bad. | blog |
blog30407 | It's about a woman and her two grown daughters, and it's a total chick flick, but it's dreary and stupid. The women are so fucking neurotic they're not amusing. | blog |
blog30407 | I want to make sure I'm not scrimping on the olive oil, which I use in the dressing and also to sautee the shrimp. Even so, look at this incredible total today - 916 calories. That's fantastic, because I'm full, I ate really wonderful meals today, I'm not suffering at all. | blog |
blog30407 | If I go at the same rate, that will take about 15 weeks. So not bad! | blog |
blog30407 | I'm not going to measure myself until some of this water is gone. Maybe later this afternoon, maybe tomorrow morning would be better. | blog |
blog30407 | That I have a faulty behavior that I could have fixed and didn't. That my whole life was wasted through my own stupidity and weakness. | blog |
blog30407 | The Exorcist - it's scary!! | blog |
blog30407 | Maybe I'll be able to do more this afternoon. And before I forget, I'm going to go start the timer for my water right now. I didn't drink enough yesterday. | blog |
blog30407 | By the way, I have written 153 pages of this journal. About 112 of them are in the last 8 weeks. I can tell this is going to be my high-calorie day, which seems to follow my pattern. I've already ate 547 calories, and we're going to get Indian food for dinner, plus I will have drinks. | blog |
blog30407 | And another random thought: I might have to buy Metamucil or some sort of fiber supplement like that. Not for the bowel aspects, but because I would like to get more fiber than I am, without the calories. | blog |
blog30407 | As always, I'm getting several answers. DIYglobal solutions says 1883, and Hussman.org says between 1636 and 1745 | blog |
blog30407 | 4. I must drink less alcohol. | blog |
blog30407 | 2. My level of stress is MUCH lower. I rarely go in to the office any more, and that reduces about 98% of all the stress I experience. | blog |
blog30407 | When I see someone who flagrantly breaks those rules, I see someone who cannot function in a cooperative society. Someone who cannot understand the concept of restraining impulsive behavior for the greater good. | blog |
blog30407 | I went so far as to open the frig and take one bite. Then I caught up with myself and said, What are you doing? | blog |
blog30407 | I've still been good with maintaining my [offline] charts. There's one day (Sunday) that I ate three Ritz crackers and didn't put them in. | blog |
blog30407 | The first goal, clearly, is to fit into the Measurement Pants to the point that I'm comfortable in going out in them. That is my initial yardstick, and it will be quite the big deal to me to achieve it. | blog |
blog30407 | I set my short-term goal to lose 10% of my weight, which should be around 26 pounds. Damn, that's a lot! | blog |
blog30407 | Probably Monday would be good for the low spike. It's not a drinking day, and I can get it over with early in the week. But instead of my big day midweek, I probably want it to be Friday or Saturday. I mean, those are going to be big anyway. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:16 a.m. OK, I guilted myself into 20 minutes on the glider. Yay for me. | blog |
blog30407 | I LOVE that line. With a bitch head. Hee hee hee. | blog |
blog30407 | Can hardly walk. However... I don't think I got my heart rate going very much. | blog |
blog30407 | Now that I'm tracking calories, I'd better figure out what is the right amount for me to eat. Here is what thebeehive.org calculator said: | blog |
blog30407 | No matter how much I need to do this, and no matter how much or little success I have with it, nobody is going to convince me that this isn't sick, obsessive behavior. The diet, that is. | blog |
blog30407 | After the full week, I will spend some time analyzing what I've been eating, and see where I can make improvements. Also I'm quite proud that I've exercised an hour each day so far. Haven't let myself off the hook once. | blog |
blog30407 | These are shorts I fit into (barely) seven years ago when we went to Disney World. They are size 20. | blog |
blog30407 | So perhaps it would be good to shake things up a bit. AND change my exercise routine. I absolutely must incorporate more strength training. | blog |
blog30407 | Hoping today goes better. I feel better. I think it was looking at those lovely seeds. You see, the power of the mind is amazing. Completely changed my mood by visualizing being a naked hippie woman in the garden. | blog |
blog30407 | I forgot to do the Monday Measurements yesterday, so I did them this morning. Sort of inconclusive. | blog |
blog30407 | However, I will not obsess too much on that. For two reasons: I don't want to be a scale queen, and also because it's GOOD to lose weight slowly. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm sort of incredibly excited about it, but also it just seems so normal now. It's just part of life to keep shrinking. | blog |
blog30407 | Already bored with this whole storm thing. I closed off the bedrooms upstairs and turned off the vents in those rooms. Turned the heat up a little so that when it goes out, we might keep warm a little longer. Now I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting. Perhaps I will try to clean up more of the office. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm just another person trying to lose weight. The statistics? I'm female, 43 years old, 5'3", married. | blog |
blog30407 | Feeling pretty good today. Slept well last night, again. Looking at my numbers for yesterday -- not bad for a drinking night. | blog |
blog30407 | And I have some workout tapes, from Richard Simmons to Bellydance. I tape some shows on Fit TV. A little of everything. | blog |
blog30407 | A little difficult to figure yesterday's calories. We had a dinner of leftovers and tiny smidgens of stuff, so I'm making a best-guess. | blog |
blog30407 | I know it sounds like all I do is have lunch with friends, drink, and shop. Well, not true. First of all, I only have ONE friend, not friends plural. Heh. Anyway, I'm not sure that particular lifestyle needs a defense anyway, but I want to explain that 1) I have a job, 2) but I mostly work at home, 3) I personally consider that a blessing and a luxury, though some people hate it, 4) my job is part-time and inconsistent because there is no longer enough work to support me (and other employees) on a full-time basis (we're talking recession here, people), and 5) I am also developing a business and freelance work on the side. | blog |
blog30407 | Did I mention that as soon as you're underway they bring everyone a flower? Apparently it's a gardenia, and it smells BEAUTIFUL. The cloud cover has mostly broken up beneath us and the clouds are scattered cotton balls, lit with sun that is just starting to become a golden color. | blog |
blog30407 | Had two giant plates of salad for dinner. I've migrated the balance of the oil and vinegar dressing so that it's only about a third or a quarter oil - the rest is vinegar, water, lemon juice, and other non-caloric ingredients. | blog |
blog30407 | Here's another unrelated item. I think I have been slightly overestimating my martinis. I made one and then poured it into the measuring cup. It's the tiniest bit over a 1/4 cup, which would make it less than 3 ounces. | blog |
blog30407 | Star Wars. All of them. | blog |
blog30407 | One of which, perhaps the least life-threatening, is that when people lose weight that quickly, they are left with enormous bags of loose skin hanging off their bodies. If they expect to have anything like a normal life after the weight loss, they will absolutely need more surgeries to fix that. | blog |
blog30407 | I cannot relate to a single one of them, even though one is a 36-year-old woman trying to sell her arts and crafts around town. But she's so bitter and awful and bitchy, even I can't relate to her. That's pretty bad. | blog |
blog30407 | They're gross, they're stupid, they're predictable. The Sixth Sense was the ideal horror movie to me; it relied more on suspense than gore, the story itself was fascinating, and the actors were surprisingly good (I can't stand Bruce Willis, and that's probably the only reason I don't give this a Two-Star rating). And above all, it's REALLY SCARY. | blog |
blog30407 | Not sure what is different. Well, yes I am, it's a bunch of small things, not one big difference. | blog |
blog30407 | In that sense it went VERY well. What's gotten into me? Driving downtown, being confident around strangers... it's a whole new world. | blog |
blog30407 | I just have to keep going, and mix up the exercise a bit more. The rest will follow. | blog |
blog30407 | I need to make sure I stay on target today. Not so much that I don't have any leeway, because I do, but to make sure I don't lose momentum after yesterday. | blog |
blog30407 | I mean, I am so foul I can barely force myself to speak civilly to Bucko. Every single thing he does or says is making me FURIOUS. | blog |
blog30407 | Hoping to get the tile done today. It could happen. | blog |
blog30407 | I considered and rejected several restaurants, because I didn't think I could get a reasonable meal at them, and thought I'd pick up sushi at the deli of the supermarket. Unfortunately, they don't have it anymore. | blog |
blog30407 | I guess I'll track my food in my little notebook, and try to figure calories when I get back. Or not -- I might just pick up again fresh on March 16th. | blog |
blog30407 | Not sure how to describe that particular idea, but somehow I've never accepted the role of being fat. Maybe it makes a difference in the way other people treat me or perceive me. | blog |
blog30407 | Yeah, it's emotional eating, there's no doubt of that. But can I cut myself some slack once in a while? I gave blood, dammit! | blog |
blog30407 | Unrelated thought: I don't know if it makes sense to record calories burned during weight lifting. I don't do it by amount of time or calories, I do it by reps. It's not that I'm not burning calories, it's that I consider it irrelevant to weight lifting. | blog |
blog30407 | They will be HIGH calories, because I would rather err on the side of more than less. Don't want to fool myself that I ate a proper amount of food, 'cause I didn't. However, I tried on the Measurement Pants first thing this morning, and they still fit comfortably. Not quite as loose as the first day of vacation (I even wrote on my postcard to Daisy that they were baggy) but only by a slightly perceptible amount. So that's a great relief and I am very pleased that I didn't gain weight with the large and not-so-wonderful food I was eating (more detail about that later). | blog |
blog30407 | I gave Bucko the Girl Scout cookies to take to work. I ate NONE of them. | blog |
blog30407 | I think that's the melatonin. I'm sore today from TotalGym, and so are my abs. I kept my feet off the platform for some of it, and it works the abdominals that way. | blog |
blog30407 | Yeah, yeah, I bought more chocolate covered almonds. However, this time I bought the merest handful. A trifle. | blog |
blog30407 | novels, the highest quality. This is a purely personal list of what I enjoy, and some of them are pretty cheesy. Some books that I like and are patently worthwhile, such as The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck and The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison, didn't make the cut, simply because I don't like them as much as some other novel that may be less deserving but more to my particular taste. | blog |
blog30407 | That's what will keep me motivated to do the diet and the exercise. Especially the exercise. | blog |
blog30407 | That's not a good eating pattern, and I was relieved to get home and be normal again. That's not to say I didn't enjoy the trip, because I absolutely LOVED it. | blog |
blog30407 | 2:22 p.m. Bonus points for me -- did 40 minutes on the glider, while I watched the second belly dance tape. | blog |
blog30407 | Which seemed awfully small to me, so I went and measured how much I drink in our big wine glasses. Because they are rather large. | blog |
blog30407 | I really don't know what sparked this. It's not like I was on a mad eating binge, I just ate somewhat larger portions than usual, and I quit halfway through the second plate -- realized that I didn't need to eat it. | blog |
blog30407 | 2:41 p.m. OMG, I'm at 1093 calories already, and haven't eaten dinner yet. It's the damn muffins. But, as disappointed as I am with the count, I'm not despairing, because we worked HARD today. | blog |
blog30407 | It's such an interesting point to me, because in recent years, our own media is constantly telling us how hateful we are and how much other countries hate us. The news always shows people burning our flags, and commentators and comedians alike are always making remarks and jokes about how bad, crass, loud, stupid, insensitive, or otherwise unpopular Americans are. So I was practically expecting to be pelted with garbage. | blog |
blog30407 | My thoughts, rantings, complainings, about weight loss and unrelated subjects. I detail every single thing I eat and drink (calories plus grams of protein, carbs, fat, and fiber), and amount of exercise and approximate calories burned. I also include my theoretical amount of weight lost, going just by the numbers. Yes, someday I will weigh myself. | blog |
blog30407 | I feel a little groggy this morning. Didn't sleep as well as I would like, and had some squirrelly moments around 4:30 a.m., thinking about work. | blog |
blog30407 | I can definitely fit into shirts that I haven't worn for a year. Also, yesterday I wore the underpants that I had set aside as too small a few weeks ago. They didn't roll down my stomach. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless. | blog |
blog30407 | The Netzer book is a lot more complete -- the calculator only shows calories and fat -- so I will use it as my main source and use the calculator for backup when I can't find it in Netzer. Although, I've had my doubts about Netzer before, because she shows broccoli as being 20% fat, and that seems unlikely. | blog |
blog30407 | That's progress. As always, I am hopeful that this week will go better than last week. | blog |
blog30407 | Like, I want to regain the mobility I've lost from being fat, because my life would be a lot easier and more enjoyable. But that's not the main reason. No, I want to LOOK good. | blog |
blog30407 | This animated movie has been useful to me for my entire life. As a kid, I loved the cartoony parts and the scary parts; as a teenager and young adult it was the ultimate stoner movie, perfect for smoking a joint and watching from the balcony (yes, in those days a few theaters still had balconies); and as a middle-aged crank, I am fascinated by the beauty of the nature sequences. And the funny parts are still funny. I also recommend Bambi and Sleeping Beauty for stunning visuals and brilliant art direction. | blog |
blog30407 | Maybe I'll even buy a couple more. I kind of want to try The Firm, but I doubt very much that I can do any of it. I also doubt I will be able to stand the tapes, because I HATE the commercials. | blog |
blog30407 | I did, however, buy us two beers each for tonight when we're packing. Just enough to relax us a little bit, without having enough in the house to get drunk or hung over. | blog |
blog30407 | Now that's a good idea -- I could mix it up with beans in the blender and make meatballs. Yum. | blog |
blog30407 | I can see we're going to need help loading the truck next weekend. Not sure who we can sucker into it. | blog |
blog30407 | Didn't exercise this morning, since I got up late and we went grocery shopping. Will have to work it in this afternoon. | blog |
blog30407 | When I look in the mirror I can see that I'm thinner. My face is different. My ring fits. | blog |
blog30407 | And I have come in just under the wire, being able to wear the Measurement Pants. So I'll continue. | blog |
blog30407 | Hoping for a better day than yesterday. Although, my total wasn't that awful yesterday, considering the physical activity, and also, as Bucko pointed out, having given blood a couple days ago. | blog |
blog30407 | It's too little to know whether it's a real loss or a momentary fluctuation. But FIVE pounds, that's a real number. That's solid. And that would mean ten pounds in a month, which is significant. | blog |
blog30407 | At any rate, I think that's a good indication that I need to build some muscle. Oh my. Look how I'm writing about having lost weight, as though it's definitely true. | blog |
blog30407 | Since I don't have a scale, it's hard to increment. I suppose I'll move on to other Measurement Garments. | blog |
blog30407 | In common with Young Frankenstein, it's an homage to an earlier style of movie, and that's fun too. Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade have their good points -- I'd give them half a star -- but neither has the dimension of the first film. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:39 a.m. I am annoyed with the Boca Burger. | blog |
blog30407 | I know what I need to do. I need to exercise more. And vary the exercise. More strength training. | blog |
blog30407 | I probably won't be able to write in here much longer, it would be safest to turn off the computers. So I'll have to scribble by hand for a day or two. Goodbye, dearest journal! Mmmmwwaaah! (kissy gesture). | blog |
blog30407 | Because yesterday went so well, I thought I would be on a winning streak and super productive today. I thought the more I accomplished today, the better I would feel. Now suddenly I'm considering taking the day off entirely, treating myself like an invalid, and doing only self-indulgent activities designed to make me feel cozy and pampered. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm trying to psyche myself up to call him again, because if I don't do it soon, then I won't. I actually called and hung up before it rung twice, because I have no idea what I would say. My brain is numb. This is so not normal. It's not normal to have so little energy and such inability to cope with things like a mere phone call. | blog |
blog30407 | Here's another little hint I read today: drink hot beverages between meals to keep hunger down. Especially green tea. | blog |
blog30407 | 7:45 p.m. Well. My last entry for 10 days. | blog |